The Picture
by PaddynBelle
Summary: From a PuckRachel drabble meme prompt but it didn't want to be a drabble.  Rachel leaves Lima halfway through senior year and no one knows why until a picture of a very pregnant Rachel makes its way back to Lima.  Rating for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: This started from a prompt on the Puck/Rachel Drabble Meme. It went in a different direction than I thought it would and it won't be a drabble.**_ _**Rating is for later chapters.**_

Artie saw it first. Technically, whoever had taken the picture and posted it on the site saw it first and surely many others had seen it since but of the ones who mattered, the ones who could bring it all crashing down, it was Artie. He saw it and sat staring for what felt to him like hours but was really no more than a minute or two. Then he shook his head, blinked his eyes and stared again. And again. In that moment, of all the thoughts that could have gone through his mind, the one he remembered with total clarity years later was that he owed his girlfriend the **mother** of all apologies. He thought he knew, hell, theyall _thought _they knew what had happened during Babygate. They thought it was simple. Quinn had decided that Puck wasn't good enough to be the actual father of her child, that he was a Lima Loser and that Finn would make the better dad, so she lied.

She took a lot of heat for that decision but in that moment Artie knew _exactly _why she had done it. In that split second between seeing and really knowing, he realized how painful the truth could be. Hiding it would be as simple as exiting the browser, going back to the living room and never saying a word to anyone. But the truth? This was ugly. The truth was going to change everything. It was going to hurt people he cared about. It was going to reopen old wounds and create new ones. At that moment, he understood perfectly why Quinn had made the choices she had.

"No way." "Can't be" "Not possible". Every denial that spun through his head was crap and he knew it. Knew it like he knew his own name. Just like he knew the girl on the screen. He'd sat in the same rooms with her 5 days a week for years. Grade school, middle school, and the last 3 years of high school. Three years of watching the two of them dance around each other. Three years "of will they or won't they?" Three years of other guys, other girls, with each other then not. Three years of "He broke up with her", "No, she broke up with him" and three years of watching the guy who had inexplicably become his best friend and the girl with the voice 5 times too big for her small body work their way towards one another. Three years of ringside seats to what everyone who ever knew them knew was going to be the endgame for both of them. Now, it was almost 3 months of watching his best friend fall apart one day at a time.

All he had to do to avoid the disaster that was sure to follow was to move his hand less than an inch to the right. Hit the X in the top right corner and keep his mouth shut forever. While his hand hovered over the mouse, the questions raced through his mind. When? How? Not _how _as much as _why_. How could she do this? How could he tell? How could he not?

While the questions and reasons and rationales played through his head, his hand hovered over the mouse. One click and it could still go away. No one had seen it yet, they couldn't have or it would be all over the school. There was almost no chance that any of them would ever see it. This wasn't the kind of site that any of them would ever look at on their own. It wasn't Perez, TMZ or even Wonderwall. He'd only come across it because he'd been with his mom when she decided that she needed to stop at the Jacobson's, his phone was dead and he was killing time on the Jacobson's computer while his mom and Mrs. J chatted. "I'll be just a few minutes Artie" "Artie, you can go watch TV or use the computer in the den while your mom and I talk." He figured he'd check out his Facebook, maybe some music sites, and they'd head home. Mrs. J had her browser open to one of those third-rate celebrity gossip sites and there it was. There she was. That picture.

His closed his eyes tightly, took a deep breath and opened them one more time just to… to what exactly? Not to make sure because he was already absolutely sure. He waited because he knew. If anyone knew how a life could change in a split second it was Artie. What he didn't know was how it felt to be the one on the decision-making end of that choice. His split second moment had been decided for him. One guy, too much to drink, the grinding of steel and the breaking of glass. Oblivion and then waking up to a new life. He'd survived it, even thrived afterward. That didn't mean it was easy and it didn't mean there weren't nights when he cursed it all and wanted back the life he had thought he was going to have. Knowing that his decision was going to put people he loved in that mental place was worth a few moments of pause.

He let out the breath he'd been holding, looked closely at the Jacobson's computer desk and saw paper. It wasn't photo paper but it was good enough for his purposes. His hand hovered over the X for another second then slowly moved left as he searched for what he needed. He chose 4 copies, hit print and listened to the sound of the printer. When he picked the paper off of the printer, he just stared. Then he closed his eyes again and thought of the apology he needed to make, the explanations he would need to give and how the next few hours, days, weeks, months and years might possibly play out for them all. Taking one last look at the screen, he exited out of the browser, tucked the printed sheets inside his jacket and sat with his head buried in his hands.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N- I__** promise**__ there is Puckleberry coming. It's a Puckleberry story. These first two chapters just felt necessary to make some sense of the way it's developing in my head. I don't enjoy the "Rachel's dads kicked her out" scenarios. They don't seem, IMO, to fit with the types of people who would have raised a character like Rachel so I wanted to flesh out how she had left home and why two loving parents wouldn't look for her.  
_  
The "Bro Code." They'd all heard about it since they were old enough to start sprouting pubes. It was really pretty simple and it all boiled down to you always, always, always have your boys' backs. In their circle of friends (and yeah, he thought with a smile, somehow in the last few years this bunch of un-medicated mental patients had become his closest friends) the Code has been bent, twisted, pushed, pulled and warped but it's still there.

They've written their own version. They've dated amongst themselves so often that they joke about being an undiscovered branch of fundamentalists. They've swapped and switched and crossed so many lines that at some point they stopped keeping track of where the lines were supposed to be. It took them a while but now, in the middle of their Senior year, they were supposed to be a place where they could just take a breath and enjoy it and each other. And they had. They had gotten there and then WHAM, they only got to enjoy it for a minute before it all fell to shit again.

He knows that the Code dictates that the first person he should take this information to is Puck. The Code says so, history says so and 99.9% of people would undoubtedly think so.

"Mom, could you drop me off at Mercedes' house, please? I need to go see Quinn."

Sitting in the Jones's huge den, watching Quinn as she stood by the fireplace staring down at the picture in her hands, he was getting a very weird feeling.

"You don't look all that surprised Q."

She turned to face him. "Can you honestly say that you are? This is Rachel we're talking about here. Rachel Berry. Smart, driven, had her whole life planned out from the time she was four. Fathers who adore her, Puck in love with her, straight As, Glee."

She couldn't believe this actually hadn't crossed his mind at some point. It had to have crossed all their minds. It **had** to have. How could it not?

Sitting down across from him and grabbing his hands, "Honey,18 year-old girls who aren't abused by their parents or terrorized by their boyfriends or drunk, drugged or kidnapped don't empty their bank accounts and disappear in the middle of the night for no reason. They just don't."

"But they asked. The police, her dads. They all asked and Puck wouldn't lie about that Q, he just wouldn't. "

"I know he wouldn't. I don't think he lied. I don't think he knows."

"If you suspected, why not…"

"Why not say something? And what, make this worse on him and them then it already is? You know what she said. She would call once a month and let her dads know she was alive but if anyone came looking for her, if her fathers hired people to find her, she'd run again. She's 18, they can't force her to come back. She has the trust money from her grandmother. It may not be enough to keep her forever but she can survive on it for a few years, especially if she's frugal. She thought this out Artie, to a point anyway. We had NO idea where she went, how she's living, nothing. And you think I should have told him 'Oh, by the way.' And leave him wondering every single night not just about her but about…**that**? I wouldn't be that cruel to him. We're all pretty bright people and you're the smartest of all of us so ask yourself if you're **really** as surprised as you think. Stunned, sure. But surprised? Really, deep down…are you surprised?"

"No," he said quietly. "I think that's why I came here before I went to Puck. I think he needs to hear this news from you."

"And Q…when I saw that picture…I thought of you." Her head cocked and her eyebrows went up. "Well, that would make sense" and she laughed a little. It was the first laugh either of them had since he arrived and it made them both smile for a second. "No, no, that's not what I meant." Taking a deep breath, he looked up. "I had a minute when I swear, all I wanted to do was exit the browser and pretend I never saw anything. I pictured the conversation with Puck and telling her dads and what's going to happen when we find her. We have to find her now, don't we? I'm not wrong?" She nodded. "We judged you…all of us. We said things, we thought we knew it all. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I judged."

She moved over, sat on his lap and tucked her head under his chin. His arms went around her. It had been a long road for them also. The girl she had been when she was a Freshmen and Sophomore would never have had the sense to look for a guy like Artie Abrams or the self-confidence to publicly choose him if she had. They'd all grown into better people than they were back then. She loves this brilliant, Star Wars obsessed young man and she loves him for being the person who would offer an unnecessary apology 2 years later. And she loves Rachel and Puck. "Not the same thing, as much as I love you for the thought. My motives weren't that noble and I'm honest enough to admit that now."

Unfurling herself from his arms, she leaned over to give him a kiss. She knows that Artie is right and she needs to be the one to tell Puck, but God…this is just….it's just sad and painful and…not getting any easier or less painful the longer she sat here on Artie's lap "Let's go. You are coming with me, aren't you?"

"Absolutely."


	3. Chapter 3

_He might feel pissed or lost or fucking devastated if he was sober enough to feel anything. He should have never opened the goddamn door. He should have punched Finn, told Quinn to fuck off and told her that he had no desire to catch the crazy. Fuck it. If he could still remember it, he wasn't near drunk enough yet._

**January 2011**

"McKinley High, Junior/Senior Winter Formal, Saturday, February 12, 2011. Tickets: $15 dollars or $25 per couple. Come Join Us For A Winter Wonderland!"

Puck leaned against the row of lockers watching Rachel stare at the sign hanging on the wall outside the cafeteria. Winter Formal. The first big occasion of the year for the upperclassmen. Homecoming was for everyone but the Winter Formal was for Juniors and Seniors only. Underclassmen could only go if they had a date with an upperclassman. It was something most of the Juniors (the girls anyway) start looking forward to from their first week at McKinley. Hell yes, he knew that. He'd been with enough Cheerios to know what was important in the social world of this place, even if he thought it was stupid as shit.

He knew she wanted to go and he knew that everybody was expecting him to ask her. After she and Finn broke up early that summer, he and Rachel had been…dating wasn't the right word and hanging out sounded too much like what he did with his boys.

Quinn called it dancing. Said they were dancing around each other. Satan called him a coward. Fuck that noise. It was hard enough dealing with Baby Momma, Satan and Rachel as BFFs anyway.

He still had trouble believing in that unholy trinity some days.

He remembered the first time he saw it. He remembered exactly because all 7 of them had showed up on his goddamn doorstep at 9:30 in the morning on a fucking Saturday in late August. Rachel, Quinn, Abrams, Mike, Tina, Finn and Satan. His mom was working, his sister was at a sleepover, the heat index was supposed to climb into the hundreds and he was looking forward to sleeping in and doing shit-all for the rest of the day. The steady pounding on the door, combined with the constant ringing of his cell (forgot to turn the fucker off) finally got through his sleep-fogged brain and he lurched out of bed, ready to kill whoever the hell it was who was so determined to fuck with his sleep plans.

When he yanked the front door open, they were the last people he expected to see. He hadn't seen most of them except for Rachel since school ended months ago and he never expected to see all of them together in one place outside of Glee. Ever.

Rachel took advantage of his momentary speechlessness to walk right past him into the living room and the rest followed. Finn shrugged his shoulders and looked like he wanted to say something but just kept walking in behind Rachel. Quinn was pushing Abram's chair. "Morning Asshole, did we wake you up? Good!" was Satan's greeting as she flopped down on the couch. Chang and Tina just smiled and walked in behind the rest.

"What the fuck are you people doing in my house? No, what the fuck are you people doing period? Together. Now. At all. Just, what the absolute fuck?"

"Noah, I'll try to explain to you why our combined presence this morning, albeit extremely early in-"

Knowing that Puck wasn't a morning person on his best day and knowing that, while she agreed with Rachel that an element of surprise might be necessary, Quinn was well aware that Puck was about 10 seconds from having an epic meltdown and throwing them all out. In the time it would take to sit through a Rachel-speak explanation, this chance would be gone. She interrupted Rachel.

"We all need to talk and we figured that ambushing you would be the only way we'd manage it." There, it was out in the open.

Fuck it. He was out of bed now and whatever brought this group to his door was bound to at least be entertaining…or make him want to kill himself. Or them. Right now he didn't care. He just needed coffee. Slamming the front door shut, he stalked through the living room, ignoring all of them on his way into the kitchen and start getting the coffee shit out of the cabinets, rattling the cups and shutting the cabinets forcefully.

"Noah?" a soft voice said behind him. "This was my idea. If you're going to be mad at anyone, be mad at me."

She sounded so small and small was so not the way Rachel Berry should sound that he almost stopped being pissed. Almost. Coffee.

"Whatever Rach. Just give me a minute. I have to caffeinate before the crazy."

Her shoulders slumped and she dropped into a chair at the kitchen table. For several minutes, she didn't say a word and he knew that whatever this was, it was big. Rachel speechless just does not happen. At all. As the smell of freshly brewed coffee filled the kitchen she finally tried speaking, "I just thought-you and Finn, you've been friends—me-Quinn-talking since Finn and I-" her voice trailed off and she just looked at him.

He poured his first cup and gulped it down, the heat and caffeine starting to clear his mind.

"Rach, look at me. It's okay. Really. I'm not mad. We couldn't avoid this shit forever."

She smiled at him with that smile that he would do much more than talk to people at the ass crack of dawn just to keep on her face.

Heading back into the living room he stopped short in the doorway and looked at them all. Really looked. Quinn was sitting right next to Abrams' chair, heads bent towards one another, whispering. Satan and Finn were sitting on the couch, her legs thrown across his lap, Finn rubbing her leg almost absentmindedly. Chang and Tina were sitting on the floor with his back to the couch and Tina leaning back between his legs resting on him.

He had stopped so suddenly that Rachel smacked into him. He whirled around and she caught the look on his face and nodded. "That's what we wanted to tell you."

He's not a stupid guy. He can see that sometime over the last 2 and a half months, all of THIS happened. He knew about Rachel and Finn, obviously. Rachel had told him at the time (so the fuck what if he knows without thinking that it was Tuesday night, June 15th at 7 PM) that there was no anger, no hard feelings, just that once she and Finn were able to be together without obstacles it seemed to each of them that the idea of Finn and Rachel was much more appealing than the reality of Finn and Rachel.

He and Quinn had tried to stay together but there wasn't enough for either of them. They didn't love each other, they both loved Beth. Strangely enough, they found that after they stopped trying to make their broken pieces into a whole, it was much easier to be around one another. They hadn't yet reached the stage of being friends but they had come to a sort of uneasy peace.

Quinn and Abrams huh? That's an interesting development. If he already didn't know that he was over Quinn, thinking of her with another guy and only thinking "interesting development" would have told him. Abrams seems cool and the guy has mad fucking skills on a guitar. Last time he saw them, Artie and the Goth princess were making stupid eyes at each other. Apparently, he missed the fucking memo on that change too seeing as if Tina were sitting any closer to Chang, there'd be some dick riding going on in his living room.

He and Finn hadn't talked much since the performance for Mr. Schue after Regionals. They'd seen each other around town and exchanged "Heys" but that was it. He was man enough to know that was his fault. Knocking up your best friend's girlfriend and then lying about is pretty much guaranteed to fuck up a friendship but he misses his best friend. He's known though that the next move is up to Finn.

Apparently, the next move has now been made. And it includes Satan. And somehow Rachel is okay with that part of it too.

He knows by the looks on their faces that they know he gets it. He can make them all go around and talk about the hows and the whys and share all the details but what's the point? It's pretty clear what it all is and Rachel will tell him all of the minutiae at some point later anyway. Rachel.

He looked down at her and with a surprising economy of words she said, "It won't all work without you Noah. We won't all be able to get past it. Without you, there's a piece missing. It needs you and Finn. We didn't know what else to do."

He leaned down, kissed her cheek and walked into the living room and punched Finn on his shoulder.

""Hudson and Satan, move the fuck over. My house, my couch! Artie, you bring your guitar? "

And with that, the friendships that would carry them through the next 2 years were born.

_That goddamn dance. The first night I ever saw Rachel Berry cry because of me and the first night I ever knew that there could be magic in a kiss. _

_Baby, where are you? Where the fuck are you? Are you all right? Are you hurt? Are you happy? Are you crying again because of me? _

_Baby, I love you_


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N-Again, so sorry for the delay. I still have a house full of sick people but it looks like everyone will make it now. _

_This keeps going in a way I hadn't planned. It started as a drabble and has morphed. When I keep trying to jump directly to the Puckleberry goodness of it all, I keep circling around to the back story. Since the main plot is that a pregnant Rachel leaves Puck and doesn't tell him about her pregnancy, I've needed to take them to a place where that would seem like a choice that Rachel would make. This is a short chapter but every time I tried to skip it, I keep coming back to it._

"_**McKinley High, Junior/Senior Winter Formal, Saturday, February 12, 2011. Tickets: $15 dollars or $25 per couple. Come Join Us For A Winter Wonderland!"**_

I stood there watching as she stared at the poster and knew by the set of her shoulders that she was trying not to cry. Not there, not in a hallway filled with people. Years of having to control her every public reaction had taught her well. We'd been classmates, become enemies, learned to be teammates and wound up on the other end as friends. Still, I knew that it was because of me and the people who used to be my friends that she felt that she couldn't ever really be herself or let her true feelings show here in the McKinley halls. We'd made it too dangerous. Like pack animals smelling wounded prey, we would have pounced. She turned away from the poster, put on what I called her show face smile and noticed me there.

I saw Puck push himself away from the wall and turn in the other direction, heading out to his car and I saw the moment when she realized it too. Her show face smile faltered but only a second and if you didn't know her well, you'd never know something was wrong. We'd taught her very well and if we were friends for the rest of our lives, I knew that a part of me would always feel guilty for that.

I wanted to kill him.

This was supposed to have been a fun afternoon. Me, Rachel, Santana, Tina and Mercedes (and Kurt) spending the afternoon and our parents' money at the mall. A bunch of girlfriends trying on dresses, giggling and goofing around. Fun. I seethed inside.

The plan had sounded great at the time. Since the "intervention" that Rachel had staged in August, things with all of us had evened out nicely. She'd been right when she said that it needed all of us to work. Puck and I were somewhere between civil and friendly. Artie and I had been dating since summer, Finn and Santana were in an "on" phase of their on again/off again, Mike and Tina were good and Mercedes and Kurt, while neither had their own special someone yet, were a fundamental part of our group. Besides, if any of us thought that Kurt would let us go to the "signifying social event of the start of our years as upperclassmen'' being allowed to dress ourselves, good luck with that.

The only crimp in the plan was that Puck hadn't yet asked Rachel to be his date for the Winter Formal. Truthfully, he hadn't actually asked her to be his anything for any occasion and he'd been avoiding her like the plague for the last few weeks.

None of us understood it. They'd spent most of the summer hanging out. They'd had that one week last year where they dated and even after they'd broken up, there was a connection between them that never really died. She'd become his go-to person after Beth. She listened to him. That's what he told me the one time we ever talked about the two of them. He said she looked at him and saw something that no one else saw. People saw Puck or the school badass or the Lima Loser but she saw Noah. And he saw Rachel. Not Manhands or Diva or Crazy Berry. Just Rachel.

I called it dancing. They danced around this…this whatever it was between them. They'd been doing it for months. Maybe it started before the morning at his house but all of us saw it from that point out. Where you found one, you usually found the other. When school started, Puck picked her up every morning and they drove to school together. After school, if he had football she'd wait on the bleachers doing homework. If she had dance class, he'd drive her, come back for practice and go pick her up afterward and take her home. The same routine continued when football ended and basketball started except she would be waiting on the bleachers in the gym instead of outside.

They didn't date. Not each other or other people. It was the first time that any of us could remember that Puck wasn't man-whoring with anything in a skirt. They weren't having a secret affair. Rachel said they'd never even kissed since their one week of dating last year but somehow you couldn't look at them and call them just friends either.

Things went on like this until about 3 weeks ago. Rachel called me on a Sunday night and asked if she could ride with me to school in the morning. I said yes, of course, but without even thinking about it first I asked where Puck was going to be. I honestly didn't think anything of it. I just assumed he was going somewhere besides school in the morning. We'd all gotten so used to the status quo. She got very quiet on the other end of the phone and said she wasn't sure what his plans were but he had asked her if she could manage to get another ride.

After that, he didn't pick her up again. She either rode with me or Kurt or went back to having her one of her fathers drop her at school in the morning. She didn't hang out during practice anymore and Kurt drove her to her dance classes.

They didn't sit together in Glee and while it had started with him avoiding her, it had lately become Rachel avoiding any situation that she didn't absolutely have to engage in where Puck might be.

We all watched the show face smile come back.

I was going to kill him.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Sorry for the long delay. Sick people and a holiday don't leave much time for anything else. Chapters 5 & 6 are up now and hopefully 7 & 8 will be up by the end of the weekend, presuming no one else gets ill (crossing fingers and toes).**_

_**I've said this before but I'm just addressing it one last time those who want to know why it hasn't gotten to Puckleberry themselves yet. This started life as a drabble prompt but once I started it, it morphed into a much longer piece. I realized it was (in my mind anyway) a multi-chapter story. It mixes cannon and non but I tried to stay as close as possible, considering that the very idea of Puckleberry isn't canon at this point. **_

_**Rachel is 18 and generally speaking, 18 year olds with loving families, successful school careers, caring boyfriends and lots going for them don't just leave home for no reason and two liberal, ACLU-supporting parents don't strike me as the types to kick their daughter out for getting pregnant. Hence, the backstory…which is now the first 6-8 chapters.**_

_**Thanks for reading, reviewing and marking it. Still don't own Glee. Never have, never will.**_

"What happened Puck?"

"Fuck off Quinn. Not your business."

I was getting ready to launch into him about "not my business" but as I watched, he sagged back against his front door and closed his eyes.

I hadn't told him I was coming over. I hadn't told anyone. After that little scene in the hallway last week though, I knew I had to say something to him. The dance was tomorrow night and nothing had changed between them.

Rachel was still smiling that awful show smile and Puck was barely saying two civil words to anyone.

I honestly didn't know if it would do any good at all. The irresistible force/immovable object scenario could have been designed with Noah Puckerman in mind. You can scream, push, pull, rant and rave at him and if his mind is made up, there's no moving him.

Still, I had to try. I owed them both at least that much. I owed this man so much more than I could ever repay.

I said man and I wasn't exaggerating. Noah Puckerman was a man when many of our classmates were still boys. It was one of the reasons I fought him so hard when I was pregnant with Beth. He said he would take care of her, of us and I knew that he would. Puck became a man the day his dad left their family. His mom was 6 months pregnant and Puck was 10. No child should have to become an adult at 10 but Puck did.

He'd been helping his mom take care of the house and the bills and his sister Bekkah for years. His "pool cleaning" aside, he raked yards, mowed lawns, shoveled snow, fixed gutters, or whatever he could pick up anywhere to make some extra money. His mom worked as a night shift ER nurse at the local hospital but I knew that all the dance lessons and Girl Scouts and class trips that Bekkah was able to do were largely because Puck paid for them. He wasn't going to have his sister miss out on any of the things that had been taken from him.

I told him that he wasn't mature enough or ready to be a father but the truth was that I was the immature one, not him. I'd never had to think about more than my grades, my extracurriculars and being popular. That was my job. We had someone to cook and clean the house and I got my car the day I turned 16. I was a girl and was nowhere near ready to be someone's mom. Finn wasn't ready to be a dad either so telling everyone that he was the father was safe for me. Finn was always the safe choice.

I'd used this man to make me feel better about myself and then pulled the rug out from under him. The only reason he didn't still hate me was because of Rachel. Somehow, the only other person that I'd treated as badly as I'd treated him was the one person who was able to forgive me and convince Puck that he should forgive me too.

We'd tried dating for a few weeks after Shelby had taken Beth but we both knew that Beth had been the bond. We didn't break up so much as just drift apart. I knew he had been spending time with Rachel. I'd seen her car at his house or his truck parked in her driveway but at that point, as far as I knew, she was still dating Finn. After not hearing from Puck for a couple of days, one night in the middle of June my phone rang. I looked at the display and saw his name.

"Hello Puck."

"Can I come by and pick you up?"

"What for?"

"We need to talk"

"Puck, I don't know what we have to talk about, really. We've said every-"

"Fuck Quinn, I wanna talk and I think you owe me one fucking conversation!"

Talk? Puck? An actual conversation and only a conversation?

"Fine, see you in a bit."

We'd driven around for almost half an hour and he hadn't said a word since I'd gotten in the truck. I didn't say anything either. This was his show, not mine. We were driving back in the direction of Mercedes' house when he pulled over about a block before we got there.

"I'm just gonna say this and I don't expect you to say anything but I need to tell you. I forgive you. I don't want us to hate each other. Our daughter is out there in the world and maybe someday she'll want to meet us and I don't want her having parents who hate each other."

I didn't know what I'd expected but it wasn't this. Forgiveness? How could he ever forgive me?

Rachel. Whatever this was, I knew it originated with Rachel. There was no other explanation.

Strange how just the simple words "I forgive you" made me feel like I'd let go of tension I'd been holding inside without even realizing I'd been holding it.

"Thank you. I'm sorry, Puck. For everything."

He just shrugged but he had a ghost of his familiar smirk on his lips. This didn't change us and it didn't fix everything but it was a beginning. We would always be her parents and whether she ever looked for us or not, we owed her that final gift of not hating one another.

When he dropped me back at Mercedes' house, I knew it was my turn. I got out of his truck and watched him drive away.

"Hello?"

"Hey Rachel, it's Quinn. I just left Puck and I don't know how you did it but, well, thank you"

"I didn't do anything, Quinn."

"Yes, you did. I don't know what and I really don't know why but you did."

"No, Noah did it. He wants the best for his daughter and he believes that you two making peace is that. I simply agreed with him."

How did she not hate us?

Puck and I both had made this girl's life a living hell from middle school to now. We'd picked on her, called her names, thrown food at her, her house, and her car. We'd drawn pictures of her in the bathrooms, insulted her looks and her personality almost every chance we got and yet, somehow, she'd found it inside herself to not only overlook all that but to give us this gift of helping us let go of the past.

She'd told me once before that I should be grateful to the Gleeks because someday they would be the only friends I had left. She was right. When the truth came out about Beth, I found myself sliding down the social ladder at the speed of light. My father made sure I still had an allowance and a car but he didn't want to see my face. My mother had thrown him out but that didn't last long.

My other "friends" stopped speaking to me, I got bounced from the Cheerios, but the Gleeks stayed. Mercedes' family took me in and gave me a home. The others rallied around us and they were there when Beth came to us and when she left us.

Somewhere, this group of people had morphed from being the only ones I had left to being the only ones that I really cared if they stayed. Rachel was the last piece.

I'd hated her for so long that I didn't even remember why I'd ever started hating her at all. I did know exactly why I'd hated her lately though.

"Hey Rachel…you and Finn. It's ok. I mean, I'm glad he has someone who cares about-"

"Finn and I aren't dating"

I was speechless. That statement made no sense to me. She'd been the girl in the back of Finn's mind for almost a year now. Everyone knew that she told him the truth about Beth hoping that he would leave me for her. How could they not be together?

"Quinn? Are you still there?

"Yes…but, what? You and Finn aren't…what?"

"Finn and I discussed it and we agree that we are far better off remaining friends."

"Why?"

She sighed into the phone and if what she'd just said had rendered me speechless, her next words almost had me fall over dead.

"I know everyone thinks I told Finn the truth hoping to further my own agenda. I didn't. I told him the truth because I think he deserved to know. Yes, I had a crush on him when he first joined Glee. Why wouldn't I? He was the first one of your crowd who was nice to me. It was like giving a child who had never eaten candy a key to the candy store. I still like him as a dear friend. I simply realized that I don't want to live on just candy."

I was speechless.

"He feels the same way. He enjoyed that I had a crush on him. Not in a bad way, but again, who wouldn't? He was thinking he was going to be a teenage father, he had you and his image as the Quarterback to uphold and there I was, just mooning along after him.

Once it was just us, we both realized that we'd built these fantasies up in our heads and they are nothing like who we really are. He's a great guy, he's a good friend but we just don't work as a couple and we both realized it. Thankfully, we realized it sooner rather than later.

I owe you an apology too Quinn. It couldn't have been very comfortable for you during those months, watching your boyfriend and some other girl do what Finn and I did. I'm sorry"

She was apologizing to me? Puck forgave me and Rachel Berry was apologizing?

"Quinn…are you still there?"

"Yes. I just don't know what to say. "

"You don't have to say anything. You asked about Finn and I told you. I hope I didn't ruin things for you two permanently."

When she said that, it hit me. Finn was free. I could have it all back. And just as quickly, I realized that I didn't want it back. She was right. You can't live on just candy. I'd done the same thing she had. I'd built up a fantasy in my head. The Quarterback and the Head Cheerio. Finn and Quinn. I'd never stopped to wonder if the actual people fit the parts we'd assigned ourselves.

"It's funny. Everything you just said applies to me and Finn as well. I never thought about it before."

I don't know why I told her that. Maybe I was just tired of lying. Maybe I realized that if Puck, Finn and Rachel could grow up, it was time for all of us to give it a try.

There was an awkward silence on the phone and then we both laughed at the same time. Who would ever have imagined this? Through the phone, I heard her doorbell ring and she said she had to go. Somehow, from the tone of her voice, I knew that it was Puck.

"Rachel, before you go, do you want to maybe come by Mercedes' house tomorrow afternoon…around say, 2? Kurt will be here and Artie may stop by. We'll just be hanging out… music, singing, you know…being Gleeks."

More silence and then the doorbell rang again.

"I'd like that. I'll be there. Bye Quinn. And thank you."

After that it was easy. Rachel and I didn't become best friends overnight but we began to talk pretty regularly. That segued into hanging out at the mall, at her house, at Merecedes' house. Once I realized that for someone so small, Rachel had the biggest heart I'd ever known, becoming her friend wasn't just easy, it was inevitable.

Finn and I had pretty much the same conversation that he and Rachel did and somehow, it was okay.

Artie and I started seeing a lot of one another after that first day that he came to Merecedes' house. We weren't sleeping together yet (I learned that lesson well) but I was finding out slowly what a great guy he really was.

Finn and Santana began doing, well, no one was really sure what they were doing, but it seemed to work for them.

The only thing missing was Puck. Then Rachel had the intervention idea and we all showed up at Puck's house on that Saturday morning, not really having any idea which way it would go.

It went well, better in fact than any of us had anticipated. Rachel was right; it needed Finn and Puck to make it whole. I half expected Puck to toss us all out of his house that morning but once again, I'd underestimated Rachel.

Without any more major drama, the pieces all fell into place and our friendships, real friendships, began.

School started, Glee began again and Rachel and Puck kept dancing.

And that brought us here.


	6. Chapter 6

I pulled myself out of my memories to watch Puck looking like someone had punched him in the gut.

"Fuck, Quinn. Fuuuuuck" Puck's vocabulary can be a little stunted at the best of times and this clearly was not even close to a best time.

I took a breath and reached out my hand to touch his arm lightly, "What happened?"

His voice was barely above a whisper, "She cares about me."

He slumped down on the front porch and I was seriously beginning to wonder if we all had it wrong.

You'd have to be blind not to have noticed the amount of time they'd been spending together but Rachel herself said there was nothing romantic going on between them. They weren't dating, they weren't kissing, there was some hand holding but Rachel is a physically affectionate person so that could just be holding a friend's hand.

I knew it wasn't "just friends" on her end but what if it was on Puck's and none of us saw it?

Oh God, apparently she told him something about how she feels and he doesn't feel the same way.

This isnot supposed to be happening. It took us all of last year, the entire summer and the first part of this school year to get to this place.

This is not supposed to be happening. We're all supposed to be okay now. We are okay. But only because she made us that way.

Who else would have done that? Which one of us would have put our own feelings aside and made sure that the rest of us were whole?

This NOT supposed to be happening!

This needed Santana but I didn't have time to get her so I was going to have to try.

"Get up, you stupid son of a bitch!"

"What do you mean she cares about you? Of course she cares about you. She's the only reason I'm standing here! She's the reason Finn doesn't hate you! She's the reason that you aren't somewhere drunk under a bridge! What is** wrong **with you?"

For one second, he stayed slumped there looking like somebody had kicked his puppy, then he was on his feet looking as furious as I've ever seen him.

"FUCK THIS SHIT Quinn! You're right! You're abso-fucking-lutely right and you just made my point! She IS the reason for all of that. She's put up with ALL our shit for YEARS! Why doesn't she HATE me? Anyone else, ANYONE, would hate me, hate all of us!" 

How the fuck are you two friends now? How does she even look at us?"

He was pacing back and forth, screaming, "HOW? Because she's good and decent and kind and FUCK Quinn, I am NOT going to ruin that. I'm not going to ruin HER."

"She fucking looks at me like I'm a good guy but I'm not. I'm not whoever it is she THINKS she sees. I'm not that guy."

"I'm the guy who knocked up my best friend's girlfriend. I'm the guy who fucks Cheerios and cougars and doesn't go to class and wanted to roll Abrams in a port-a-john. A PORT-A-JOHN! A fucking kid in a WHEELCHAIR and I was gonna roll his ass in a TOILET! Who DOES that? ME, I do that!"

"Did"

He looked at me like he'd forgotten I was there, and I really think he had. Outwardly, he was yelling at me, but this diatribe wasn't directed at me. This was internal. This was self-loathing and the complete inability to understand why Rachel didn't see him the way he saw himself.

And I knew that I owned part of this too. We both knew that.

"Did"

He was breathing so hard I thought he might pass out but he just stared at me.

"You DID all of those things. You aren't doing them now and you haven't done them for a long time.

I don't know why she forgave us. I don't know why ANY of them did. Why is she my friend? Why is Artie yours? Why would Mercedes' family treat me like another one of their own children?

I was there too. I laughed when I heard about the Port-a-John. I questioned Finn on why he stopped you. I only joined Glee to keep an eye on Finn, and you know why? It was because I knew that I had cheated and when you know that you can do something so low down, you assume that everyone else does it too.

Fine, you slept with your best friend's girlfriend. I was in that room too. I cheated on my boyfriend with his best friend, and then I made him lie about it. I was THAT girl.

You think I'm proud of it? You think I want Beth or any other children I ever have growing up to be like I was?

How could they forgive us? They're better people then we were. WERE, not are. We're becoming the people they thought we could be."

I leaned against the porch railing and knew there was nothing else I could say. Either he would hear what I told him or he wouldn't, but pushing him wouldn't accomplish anything.

There was only one thing left.

I reached in my coat pocket, took out a pair of tickets to the Winter Formal and handed him one.

"That guy you almost rolled in the toilet? He bought these for you. For both of you. Rachel will be going with the rest of us unless you get your head out of your ass, but if you do; your friend didn't want it to be too late for you to change your mind.

You told me once that she sees you as Noah, not Puck. Puck wouldn't show up tomorrow night. He'd stay home with his beer and his video games or he'd be out seeing which skank he could get to go home with him. Noah… he'd show.

We all have moments when we get to decide who we want to be. This one's yours. Puck or Noah.

For what it's worth, I hope you make the right choice. I've met Puck. I'd like to get the chance to meet Rachel's Noah."


	7. Chapter 7

_**Still own none of Glee. None.**_

"Michael, stop! I need to sit down. Go dance with your girlfriend" Rachel giggled as she spun herself away from Mike and collapsed into a chair between Artie and Quinn and watched Mike grab Tina's hand and whirl her back out on the floor.

At least she was laughing and a real laugh, not that overly tight, forcing out sound from between clenched teeth noise she'd been making earlier. The boys had all banded together (at the urging of their girlfriends) to make sure that she didn't sit alone at their table looking like her puppy had died. They all took turns dancing with her; she'd even had a twirl around in Artie's lap and this was her third time out on the dance floor with Mike.

"Are you having fun?"

"Quinn, for what is quite possibly the thirtieth time this evening, yes, I am having a good time."

She might have sounded annoyed but she wasn't, not really. How could she be? Her friends had conspired to take what could have been a humiliating and wretched experience and turn it into something that she at least wouldn't look back on in horror. She knew what they were doing, it was obvious. It had been obvious from the moment he hadn't shown up.

Oh God, he hadn't shown up. She needed to stop this train of thought before she-

He hadn't shown up.

She didn't know why she was surprised, really. He'd barely said two words to her that weren't required in the last few weeks. He'd been avoiding her everywhere, even Glee. Mr. Schue seemed to be having one of his rare moments of insight since they hadn't been partnered in any songs lately, so avoiding her wasn't that difficult. Noah came into the room last and sat as far away from her as possible. He sang and danced and spoke to her when necessary but that was it.

There were no unnecessary interactions and when he hadn't returned her phone calls and texts after the first week, she'd stopped. If she'd learned anything from the tortures they'd inflicted her first two years it was how to pretend that things were fine.

She knew about the tickets Artie had bought and Quinn had given to Noah. She'd overheard Quinn and Kurt talking about it.

She'd really thought, up till the last second before they all left to come here, that he would show up. She was expecting that there would be knock on the door and to see him standing there looking uncomfortably dressed up but there all the same. It wasn't until Kurt piped up that they **really** needed to be leaving that she knew he wasn't coming.

That's when Operation Protect Rachel took over. Kurt didn't say one word about the tear tracks ruining his makeup job. He just kissed her cheek and stole her into the bathroom to help her fix it. She sat between Quinn and Santana in the car on the way here. Artie brought an extra corsage so she'd have one too (she'd thank Quinn but she knows that Artie is observant and thoughtful and she thinks he probably did that on his own) and they've barely left her alone the entire evening.

She saw looked over to see Santana in the doorway on her cell phone and watched as she put it back in her purse and headed her way. She flopped herself down into the chair next to Rachel and laid her head on Rachel's shoulder, "You doin' okay, B?"

That was it.

She loves them all, she really does, and her appreciation of their kindness is magnified by the knowledge that, had this been a year ago, they would have been mocking her remorselessly and tonight they've all rallied around her.

But as much as she loves them, she's tired. She's tired of pretending that she's fine in order not to ruin the night for all of them. She's tired of the looks of pity she sees out of the corners of her eyes when they think she isn't looking. She wonders briefly if the mocking might not have been easier to cope with than the pity.

She's angry too. Why would he do this? Why would he deliberately humiliate her? After she told him-Oh no, she wasn't going down that memory lane again.

She looked around at all their faces. They were having so much fun and she knew they were nowhere near ready to call it a night. The dance still had another hour left and then the after party was planned for the Chang's house, in their huge basement. She knew from prior experience that it would be wall to wall people and she just didn't feel up to it. She'd made it through the dance but that was about as much as she was willing to take on tonight.

"I'm-I'm

"That's what I thought. C'mon B, get your shit, I called you a cab", Santana grabbed her hand and started to pull her away from the table.

"Wait, you called me a"

"I called you a cab, B. I get it. We all get it. It's okay. You came tonight and that's a shitload more than damn near anyone else would've done. You smiled, you danced, you took pictures but we all get that this shit is painful and no one is gonna be mad at you for bailing. I called you a cab so you don't have to worry about going to Mike's house or sitting around waiting on us. I can cancel it if you wanna wait and we can drop you off on our way but seriously B, you look like you're at the end of your rope and I figured you'd just wanna head home."

Rachel's smile is one of the few real ones she's smiled all evening. Santana is that kind of friend. She just does whatever she thinks needs doing and talks about it later.

Again, she thinks about the difference a year can make. A year ago, the words Santana and friend would never have been uttered by her in the same sentence but now, here she is doing for Rachel exactly what she needs.

"I have to make my goodbyes. I have to tell-"

"I'll tell them. They'll all understand. C'mon, I'll wait with you. The cab oughta be here in a few."

The two girls wandered out of the dance into the hall leading to the front doors. There were people milling around, some couples using the almost-deserted halls as a place to make out, others in various stages of getting ready to leave. No one paid them much attention as they sat on the bench looking towards the door, their arms linked together.

"I didn't say anything earlier because I didn't want to make the situation worse but he's a douche for pulling this, B. He's my boy but this shit is fucked up. Seriously fucked up and I'm sorry."

No wonder she and Noah are friends. They think exactly alike and express themselves identically.

"It's okay, San, it's-"

"Fuck that B! It isn't okay. Don't say it's okay. None of this has been okay. So you love him and he's scared. Okay fine. He's allowed to feel how he feels. This shit though? No, not fine. Avoiding you, not answering calls, not showing up tonight? NOT okay."

"He, he, h-he told you? What I said? " her voice quavered. She hadn't discussed with any of them what had transpired between her and Noah. She should have known that he would have told Santana though.

"He's scared? Noah?"

"Shit B, of course he's scared. He's Puck. Love? Feelings? Please. Sex he can handle. Feelings? Shit, B. Really? This is news to you?"

"Noah and I are not having sex!" Rachel's voice went up an entire octave. "We have never had sex, I haven't had sex with anyone, you know that! Do people think that he and I- "

"Calm down B. I know that, I didn't mean that you were and no, none of us think you are. What the rest of the douchetards in school think, who knows? I just meant that Puck doesn't do feelings. Not well, anyway. He's never had to before, if you think about it. People didn't want him for his feelings. They wanted to be near him because he's a badass and he's popular and he's good with his tongue and his hands and his-"

Catching the look Rachel was giving her, Santana thought that maybe discussing sex with Puck with Rachel was not the best way to handle this conversation but shit, in for a dime and all that.

"Anyway. He's Puck. The last time he did feelings, he ended up losing his best friend and giving away his daughter. So you know, I was willing to cut him some slack on the whole jerking you around thing. 'Cause you B, you're a feelings girl. You're not a quick fuck or one of his cougars. He cares B, he really does. He's just fucked in his head. But still, not cool the way he's handled this. Or not handled it."

She just sat there staring. He cares. He cares about her.

They saw the Yellow Cab pull up out front and got up off the bench.

"I love you San" as she hugged the other girl tightly.

"Love you too, B. Try and relax. I'll call you in the A.M."

Santana watched as the cab pulled away and when it rounded the corner, she pulled out her cell phone and dialed and started talking as soon as the phone was picked up on the other end.

"She's on her way home. I did as much damage control as I could; the rest is up to you. Hopefully, she won't toss your sorry ass out on the street, much as you deserve it. Fuck up like this again or make me regret sending her home to you and I will end you, Puckerman."

She didn't wait for a response but hung up and walked back inside, hoping she'd done the right thing for both her friends.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Glee still belongs to Ryan Murphy. Damn him.**_

Rachel leaned back in the cab, thinking about what Santana had said. He was scared. She wondered why she hadn't thought about it before now. Quite likely because she never associated Noah and scared. Of anything. Still, they'd come through so much, why hadn't he just talked to her about it?

Santana's words were on a continuous loop in her head, and not just the part about him being scared. If she was honest, what was mainly looping now was the thought of sex. Sex with Noah. She hadn't lied to San. They weren't having sex, they never had, but she would be a liar if she said she hadn't thought about it.

It was hard to describe the relationship between them; at least it had been when there'd been a relationship there. She told Quinn they weren't dating and that was true. She'd also told her that there'd been no kissing and that wasn't quite as true. Actually, it was a flat-out lie. But she'd done it because she didn't know what anything else was between them. She didn't want to deal with getting the reputation of being just the latest notch on the ever-expanding belt of Noah Puckerman.

But yes, there'd been kissing. And touching and Santana was right…those hands…and-

"Miss, we're here."

Rachel pulled her head out of her reverie and realized they were in front of her house. She asked the price and was told that Miss Lopez had charged it and the tip had been taken of already. When Santana does something for you, she does it all the way.

The lights were on in the house and she's grateful for the timer because she had left earlier that evening fully intending to spend the weekend at San's house and her dads left for their long-planned weekend trip after seeing them all off to the formal. They had taken their usual 1,000 pictures of Rachel and told her and all the girls how beautiful they looked. Rachel realized again how lucky she was to have them.

They were the main reason she had dressed up and gone to the formal even without Noah. If she'd told them that she was depressed and wanted to spend the weekend at home, they would have cancelled their plans so she didn't have to be alone. They do so much for her, they always have, and they'd been looking forward to this weekend in Chicago for weeks. She didn't have the heart to ruin it for them.

Stepping inside and locking the door behind her, she realized how quiet the house was and for a minute, she wondered if she'd be better off just heading over to Mike's. There would be hundreds of people and she wouldn't have to…no, that was exactly why she hadn't gone. There would be hundreds of people there and she just didn't have it in her tonight.

She was leaning against the door when the sound made her jump out of her skin. What the? Someone had knocked on the door! She wasn't expecting anyone and for a second she thought, "Thank Heaven I locked the door but then again, burglars and murderers don't usually knock before they…" and her internal monologue was interrupted by more knocks and a voice.

That voice. ** His** voice.

"Rach, I know you're in there. Baby, open the door. Please. Please open the door."

He's here. He's here. Why is he here? Why now? How does he know she's home? Baby?

Santana! Not knowing whether to kill her friend or kiss her, she takes a breath and turns the door handle.

He's standing there staring as if he's surprised that she actually opened the door.

"You might as well come in and say what you have to say, Noah. Stand there and you're going to freeze to death or incite our neighbors to call the police." She doesn't move far away from the door, just enough to let him come in and lean back against the door watching her.

She wants to ask him why. Why are you here? Why haven't you called? Why are you avoiding me? Why did you stop talking to me? Why didn't you show up tonight? Why now?

Why don't you love me back?

She wants to ask all of those questions but she says nothing because she knows that however many other questions there are, the last one is the one she really wants answered. And doesn't. Because once he says it, they can't go back.

He's waiting for her to say something. He is surprised that she actually opened the door. Fucking shocked actually. Knowing Rachel and her special brand of crazy, he expected at least 15 to 20 minutes of having to pound on the damn door before she'd let him in.

He's waiting for the Rachel effect. The yelling, the screaming, the "Noah, how could you?" It's not happening. For the first time in her life, Rachel Berry says nothing.

That's when he knows exactly how badly he's fucked this up. Rachel doesn't do quiet. Ever. Unless it's the overly dramatic, calm-before-the-storm quiet. He's seen that shit. Mostly in Glee, when she's about to really unload on one of them. But this isn't that kind of quiet and he knows it.

She won't look at him. She keeps staring at the floor like something on her shoes is the most fascinating fucking thing in the history of the world.

She's quiet and she won't meet his eyes. This is bad and he knows it. Maybe there's a way to fix it, though. She did let him in. She opened the door. He doesn't know if that's like one of her fucking metaphors, but it has to count for something.

It has to mean something. It has to. Because this girl, she means everything and he knows that too.

It's why he called Satan and sat through her epic ass-chewing. It's also why she agreed to help him…and why she threatened him.

He reaches out very slowly, not wanting to spook her. He tilts her chin up to meet his eyes.

"I'm an ass. I'm a jerk and a fuck up and I have this tendency to fuck up everything I touch. I fuck up school, I fucked up my friendship with Finn, I fucked up Quinn's home life, her parents don't speak to her, I gave my daughter away so I didn't fuck up her life and I don't want to fuck up your life.

You have so much, Rach. You ARE so much. You're smart and beautiful and talented. You're not going to spend your life here. You're getting out. This place isn't going to be the end of the road for you. Me? I'll be lucky to make it to Lima Community College. OSU would be a fucking miracle.

You were the only person who didn't look at me like I was some kind of scum after Quinn. Even Santana acted like I was the dumbest fuck she'd ever met. You were the only one who didn't think that I was the only one to blame. You were the one to convince me that giving away my daughter was the best way to show her I loved her. You became my best friend. Fuck Rach, for a long time, you were my only friend. Then, you were the reason I got the other ones back and you were still my best friend.

You told me you love me. Rach, loving me is the stupidest thing you could do. And you're not stupid, so I have to think you actually mean it. And Goddamnit Rachel, I don't want to fuck up your life too. But, you have to know Baby, I love you too."

He stopped talking. He'd said everything he had to say. He meant every word. He'd tried for weeks to stay away from her. He didn't want to fuck up her life but he realized that his life was a fucking mess without her.

"Noah..I…I..you…you wouldn't talk to me. You sent my calls to voicemail. You wouldn't answer my texts. You wouldn't…you went away. Why did you go away?" Her voice hitched on that last question and it wasn't what she'd wanted to ask.

She wanted to yell at him. She wanted to remain cold, listen to his speech and send him on his way. But she couldn't. She heard his voice and she heard his words and it was just so….Noah. Here. With her.

"I'm sorry Baby. So, so sorry. I thought it was best. I swear Rach, I swear that all I could see was me making a disaster out of your life, you hating me, your dads wanting to kill me. I never meant…shit, Baby, I'm so sorry."

She spoke so softly he almost didn't hear her, "What changed your mind?"

"You. I stayed away Rach, I did. But my life without you in it sucks. Like our stupid song for Schue. I miss you Rach. I miss you talking a mile a minute, I miss your 5 dollar words, I miss…shit Rach, I miss you."

He stopped talking, held his breath and held out his arms, hoping that she had enough forgiveness in her for one more time.

She stood there for a few more seconds and they were the longest of his life before she stepped into the circle of his arms and laid her head on his chest.

"Oh Noah….don't ever…not again…don't ever do that to me again."

"Never, Baby. You're stuck with me."

They moved together, her tilting her face up, his moving down and their lips met. He slanted his mouth over hers and gently nipped her bottom lip. She moved her lips under his and opened her mouth to his tongue.

He gently, oh so gently, moved his tongue into her mouth, swiping at her lips and running his tongue over hers, tasting cola and mint and the special taste that was all Rachel.

Pulling back slightly, he brushed her hair back from her face.

"You look beautiful, Baby. I'm so sorry I wasn't there. Dance with me?"

The two of them swayed gently together in her foyer, dancing to music that only they could hear.

Rachel could barely catch her breath but at the same time felt like she could draw a deep breath for the first time in weeks.

Noah knew that somehow he'd gotten a miracle he didn't deserve. Her. With him. Her forgiveness, all of it. He didn't deserve any of it but somehow this girl was his. His. A feeling of possessiveness that he wasn't used to came over him and he tightened his grip on her.

"Mine", he growled again before leaning down to kiss her again.

Her small hands were running up and down his back, and he moved his hands up to the curve of her hip, thumbing the soft skin at her waist.

She thinks briefly about what Santana had said and about what she'd been thinking in the cab. Noah…his mouth…his hands…sex.

"Noah, could we? Would you? I mean…I…I want to…Noah-"

He groaned into her hair.

He knows what she's asking.

Despite being an ass, he isn't an idiot, especially when it comes to turned-on women. He's a fucking Einstein when it comes to turned-on women and he knows that if he wanted, he could have her naked and underneath him in the next 15 minutes.

He also knows that she isn't ready for this. Not tonight anyway. This isn't about wanting sex. He wants it...no, he wants her. But not like this; not when she's been feeling rejected and hurt and is probably wondering what will happen if she doesn't give it to him. He hasn't exactly been the poster boy for fidelity and patience.

He's so hard it feels like he'll bust the zipper on his fucking pants and she's all soft and warm and melting in his arms and damn, he knows this is some kind of karmic payback for all his whoring around because he's putting an end to this. Now.

"Baby, no, we can't."

She pulls back from his arms and there's that look he was expecting…part surprise and shock. And hurt. She thinks he's turning her down because he doesn't want her.

Fuck!

He pulls her back in, takes her hand and ghosts it over the bulge in his pants and watches her eyes widen.

"Baby, it isn't that I don't want you. I do. Soooo fucking much. And trust me, I will have you."

Her knees start to buckle at that and at the roughened tone of his voice and he hauled her closer to him.

"I will have you", he repeats. "I'll have you naked and wet and moaning my name, Rach. Trust me on that. But not tonight. Not like this, not after I was such a jerk. When I have you, there won't be a thought in your head that you have to do this. It'll just be because you want to."

"I..I do want to Noah. I wanted to before we stopped talking…started fighting...whatever we were doing. I thought about it. A lot."

She stepped back and looked him right in the eyes.

"I'm on birth control Noah. I went on it about 5 months ago. I've been thinking about this for a while. After you got your last test, when you told me you were clean, I thought…"

Shit! He stared at her, not quite believing what he was hearing. Birth control? She'd been thinking about it?

He knew the conversation she was talking about. After Quinn, the few times he'd hooked up with random girls, he'd been religious about using protection (not that there'd been many instances of needing it after Quinn) and once he'd stopped the random fucks, he'd been equally serious about making sure that he hadn't wound up with anything that wouldn't go away with penicillin.

He was clean and he hadn't been with anyone since that last test. When he told her the results, it wasn't to get in her pants. It was to show her that he was maturing; becoming the person she thought he was capable of being.

He could see the tiredness in her eyes and he knew she'd been crying earlier. He knew her well enough to know that. He knew that even before Santana had told him that they'd almost been late to the dance because they'd had to redo her makeup to hide the tear tracks.

That made up his mind. Not tonight. He wasn't going to do this when she'd just been crying over his acting like an ass. He wasn't going to take her virginity when only hours ago she didn't know if he'd ever speak to her again.

"No baby, not tonight. This is too much. It's been a long couple of weeks and a really long day. You're exhausted and drained and this is not how your first time should happen."

She started to speak and he kissed her again before talking.

"I'm staying here tonight and if you still want this in the morning, I'm all in for that. If you don't, it's okay and we just go on about our day. No pressure, I'm not gonna be angry. But tonight, you sleep. You rest and we can figure it out in the morning, okay?"

She leaned against him and closed her eyes. The soft sigh that came from her had him simultaneously getting even harder, if that was possible, and realizing that he'd absolutely made the right choice.

"C'mon Baby, let's get you into bed," he whispered as he picked her up bridal-style and started up the stairs.

"Noah…can we still…will there still be kissing and touching and…" her voice trailed off as she buried her head in his chest

"You just try and stop me from kissing you, Baby. You just try," he laughed softly.

"No, don't wanna try," she whined a little. He knew exactly how tired she was then. Rachel didn't use words like "wanna."

He laid her on her bed and when she just rolled over and pulled up her blanket, he knew she'd be asleep before the chance for more kissing and touching even became an option.

He also knew he'd spend the entire night hard as nails sleeping next to her and he didn't mind a bit. His mind wandered to everything they'd talked about and what might happen come morning.

He leaned over, brushed his thumb down the side of her face and kissed her forehead. His breath caught when she just moaned lightly and scrunched closer to him. Oh yeah, they'd definitely see what happened come morning.

"Mine," he breathed in before gathering her close to him and closing his eyes.

"Mine."


	9. Chapter 9

Just a quick note to say sorry guys, it's gonna be a few minutes before there are more chapters. I broke my arm. On pain meds, typing is a royal PITA. I have a few drabbles that I started earlier that I may clean up and post just to keep up writing but anything big and requiring un-medicated concentration just isn't going to happen for a few weeks.

Thanks to all and I'll get back to it as soon as I feel better.

Love Puckleberry and all the Puckleberry fans and writers!


	10. Chapter 10

_**A/N: Between breaking my arm and getting caught up in the It's What They Do universe, I'd stepped away from this story for a minute. I'm back to it and plan to continue it through to wherever I decide it ends. Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, alerted and everything. I appreciate all of you so much! If I didn't get back to you individually, I'm really sorry. The first couple days on pain killers after breaking my arm are a little fuzzy. Still own none of Glee. It all belongs to RM and company.**_

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Rachel groggily opened her eyes and glanced at the bedside clock -2:48 A.M. Her mind was completely blank for a second before all of last night came rushing back in a whirl; the dance, her dress, the conversation with San, coming home and Noah coming here. Noah! She didn't even have to look to the other side of her bed to know she was alone. The room _felt_ empty. She thought back to the words she knows she heard before she'd been unable to fight sleep any longer.

_I love you. Mine. I will have you. Naked, wet and moaning my name. Mine._

She knows she didn't imagine those words but? She sat up and looked around her bedroom. _ Where is he?_

She stretched once, trying to loosen muscles that were stiff from sleep and trying to quell the slight panic that was starting to rise in her stomach. She walked quietly to her bathroom, wondering if he just got up to answer the call of nature in the middle of the night but when she didn't see any light under the door, she knew even before she opened it that he wasn't in there. While she washed her hands, she looked in the mirror and decided that there'd been enough running. If he's in the house, she'll find him and if he isn't, well…well, that's it then. No more nights sitting around crying because Noah Puckerman is too stupid to appreciate what's right in front of him!

Slipping on her robe (habit, even when alone), she padded softly to her door and stopped when she heard music. She shook her head, wondering if her penchant for mentally assigning soundtracks to all the important moments in her life had finally driven her around the bend to actually hearing imaginary music. No, there really is music. Piano. Someone's playing the piano. Not someone-Noah. Unless they've been home invaded by piano playing burglars, Noah's playing the piano. At 3 o'clock in the morning?

Feeling the knot in her stomach ease, Rachel crept slowly down the stairs, stopping about a third of the way to sit and listen and watch. She could see him through the rails in the banister but his back was to her and he seemed completely absorbed in the melody he was coaxing from the keys. She didn't recognize the piece but it was low and mournful and he seemed to know it well. She loves watching him play music and has watched him play his guitar often but the piano far less. She knew he played but it's a skill he seldom demonstrates for an audience. Part of that is his public persona-Puck. Puck is a badass and badasses play the guitar. Part of it she also knows is that his father taught him to play the piano years ago before he left their family and he doesn't like to stir the memories that come from those days. Lima's Jewish community is small and she's known him since they were toddlers. She remembers well when Mr. Puckerman left and she was there when Noah turned into Puck. She recognizes the symmetry of being here now as Puck has gradually made room for Noah to re-emerge.

Her reverie about their pasts and presents colliding is interrupted by his voice. "Sorry Baby, I didn't mean to wake you." He hadn't turned from the keys and she has no idea how he knew she was there but she isn't surprised. She and Noah have always had the ability to know when the other is in the vicinity. Even in the years that they seemingly hated one another, they could each tell you when the other was somewhere around.

"It's okay. I just didn't know where you'd gone, and then I heard the music. It's beautiful Noah. When did you write it?"

Neither of them made a move from their respective spots and he didn't answer her verbally but his hands covered the keys again and the haunting melody spilled into the silence, louder now that he wasn't worried about waking her. She knew the composition was his because she's well versed in music and she didn't recognize even a part of it. She also knew because she knows him and knows that this is something he doesn't share with the world.

Not wanting to break the mood, she closed her eyes and just let the sound wash over her. The last notes seemed to hang in the air when she heard him push back the piano bench and felt his tread on the stairs. He stopped a few steps below her and she opened her eyes to see him holding out his hand. She took it and they walked back to her room in silence. She knows she should be nervous. It's the middle of the night and she and Noah Puckerman are both half-naked in her bedroom. He's wearing nothing but a pair of boxers and all that's covering her is a pair of panties, a camisole and a thin robe. Funny thing though, she isn't nervous in the least.

He sat on the bed and pulled her down next to him. He hadn't really slept much_ (at fucking all)_ that night. He'd watched her sleep and thought about the last few weeks _(and months and years)_. _ She loves me and I love her. I've fucked up so much shit in a short 17 years but somehow I didn't fuck this past repair._ When he realized that sleep wasn't coming, he'd found himself downstairs at the piano. He'd played softly not intending to wake her, she needed her sleep, but knowing somehow when he wasn't alone anymore. _That's what she's given me; with her I'm not alone, but somehow that doesn't terrify the shit out of me._

"C'mon Baby, it's late. Or too fucking early, however you wanna look at it. Lie down and go back to sleep."

"I'm not tired Noah. That really was a gorgeous piece of music."

"It should be. It's for a gorgeous girl. My gorgeous girl." A small part of him couldn't believe he was telling her while the bigger part acknowledged that she was his, had always been his even if they hadn't been able to get the timing right until now and he wanted her to always be his.

"I love you" she whispered. "Love you more," came his soft reply.

He briefly wondered when exactly he'd decided to hand over his balls in a gift wrapped box but knew, if he was honest with himself, that the answer was sometime around when they were 6 years old and he saw little Rachel Berry crying with a skinned knee in the park after Toby Jacobs push her off her bike. Toby wound up with two skinned knees and a black eye, his Ma had made him apologize to the little fucker and to Mrs. Jacobs but it was worth it because Rachel looked at him like he was her hero. In the years between 6 and 17 he'd made her cry far more than Toby ever had but somehow, now, she had the same look on her face that she'd had that day.

They sat quietly on her bed, her head on his shoulder, their legs intertwined. It almost felt like there was a spell over the room and neither of them wanted to break it. Both of them were thinking about the previous night and the promises he'd made. She wanted him to know that she hadn't changed her mind. He wanted to fuck her into the floor _(shit, he'd wanted to do that for fucking ever)_ but there's no way he's doing shit without them having some sort of conversation.

_A conversation. A chance to change her mind. Yep, balls in a box with a fucking bow._

"Rach. What you said earlier-"he faltered for a second. Sex is second nature to him and he's been with his share of virgins but never A) someone he loved or B) see A. He doesn't want to scare her or burst the bubble that they've been in since she came down and heard him playing.

"Which part Noah? The ready for sex, the wanting sex or the birth control?"

He chuckled. _She never stops surprising me. So much for scaring her._

"All of it, Baby. Mainly, I know I've been a douche these last few weeks. My head's been all fucked up and- `"

"Noah, stop. Please. You already apologized for that. I don't want to go around about it. I understand why you were acting like a, a- that word. I forgive you. I meant every word. I've been contemplating us having intercourse for a while, I made sure I took precautionary steps and I haven't changed my mind. I want us to have sex."

There's the Rachel he knows-big words and plans. Contemplating intercourse. _No way, Baby. We aren't just going to have sex. You're gonna see those stars you love so much._

"Rach, how far did you get with Finn or St. Douche?" He feels her stiffen and _fuck that didn't come out the right way_ and before he can elaborate, she's off the bed and halfway across the room glaring daggers at him, pulling the belt of her robe tightly around her.

"Really, Noah? I'm telling you I want to have sex with you and you're grilling me about other people? What, you don't believe I'm a virgin or do you just want to make sure?"

He's up and in front of her before she can storm into the bathroom and this ends in a fucking disaster. He put his arms around her and while she didn't move away, she felt like a board in his arms and wouldn't meet his eyes.

"I didn't mean it like that Rach. Rachel, look at me." He put his hand under her chin, tilted her head up and saw the tears threatening to spill over. _FUCK!_

"Rach. I'm not trying to grill you about anybody. I really don't want to talk about them at all. I was trying…and I fucked it up…**again**…I was trying to get at how much you know from-shit Rach! I'm not good at this shit, you know that but-."

"But what, Noah?" He can tell from the tone of her voice that this is about two seconds from going to hell on an express fucking train.

"I **know** you're a virgin Baby. That was my point. There's a whole lot more to sex than just open legs, insert cock and I don't wanna scare you or push you or make you feel like you have to do this so I was trying-badly, I fucking see-to figure out how much you know from books and shit and how much you've actually done. I want this to be great for you. I don't want your first time to be-Baby, I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I just wanted to make sure you know that you don't have to do this."

He felt her relax against him and hoped that maybe, somehow, again he hadn't fucked it up beyond repair. His voice dropped lower and he growled into her ear, "I love you, Baby. That's all. I just don't want to fuck this up for you."

She stood there processing his words and realized that in his own emotionally inept way, he was trying to be-not Puck. She reached up on her toes and placed a kiss on his lips, letting him know that she understood what he was trying to say. _Thank fuck! _She walked back to the bed and sat down, thinking that this was never what she'd imagined for her first time but knowing it was exactly as it should be. Jesse had just wanted her to give in to him and Finn couldn't see past getting to touch her boobs. Noah wanted it to be about her.

Despite what she'd proclaimed at her one meeting of the Celibacy Club about girls wanting sex as much as guys and her book knowledge on the subject, discussing her sexual history with Noah was slightly embarrassing. Yes, they both know she's a virgin but she doesn't think he knows exactly how much of an_ everything_ virgin she really is and hoped the truth wouldn't make him change his mind.

She looked at her lap and then back up and him and mumbled, "Nothing. We made out, that was it. I haven't done anything else. You—your hands on me. That's the most I've done. I don't know much of anything."

He'd had his hands on her, sure, but always over her clothes. He knew she was a virgin but now he knew that no one had ever even touched her in the way he planned to. _Mine. No one else __**ever**__ gets to touch you. _

He leaned down and pressed his lips against hers, "Baby, I'll teach you anything you want to know." She shivered at the words, the tone and the thoughts that ran through her head but before she could respond, he was changing the kiss, moving his lips harder against her and using his tongue to probe inside her mouth. She stopped trying to think and leaned into the kiss, letting her tongue dance against his until they both had to pull back for air.

She expected him to lean her back onto the bed but he surprised her, pulling her up to him instead. He reached in and placed a trail of light kisses from her shoulder to her neck and back again and she felt his hands reach the edge of her camisole as he lifted it over her head. "So fucking gorgeous. You are the most beautiful sight I've ever seen in my life," he whispered as his eyes roamed over her body. This was the most anyone had ever seen of her body and she'd thought she might feel exposed or nervous but the look in his eyes was so honest that she knew he meant every word.

He reached out and lightly placed his hand at the curve of her waist, caressing the smooth skin. She closed her eyes and let out a sigh. He had a musician's hands, strong and calloused on the fingertips and the dual sensations of roughened skin and soft movements had her purring like a cat. Her eyes flew open when she felt him reach behind her knees and she found herself off her feet and cradled in his arms.

_You're so fucking tiny. I won't break you Baby but I'm gonna come damn close tonight._

He kissed her softly and laid her down on the bed, maneuvering until he was lying next to her on his side, his body covering hers. He reached over and turned the bedside lamp on, notching the button until the light was on low. He wanted to be able to see her but he didn't want the room too bright, thinking a little shadow would help her relax. He continued kissing her, moving from her lips back down her neck, nibbling lightly on her shoulders and keeping her off balance about where he would touch her next. His right hand skated slowly up and down her body, touching and stroking but not lingering in one place too long. When his hand slowed on her stomach she drew in a breath, uncertain if he was going to move up or down. His tongue trailed back up her neck while his hand followed, reaching her breast. He stopped, waiting for a sign from her that she was okay with this new development and when she let out a small whine and pushed her body closer to his, he smiled into her hair.

"You like that Baby?" he whispered as his fingers reached her nipples. He was already hard as fuck and with any other girl this would be fast and furious. Not tonight. He told her she'd be naked, wet and moaning his name and that's exactly what he intends to happen before they get anywhere near the main event. "You feel so amazing Baby. I love touching you and I'm gonna touch you everywhere tonight." He likes verbal foreplay almost as much as physical and he knows she likes it because when he talks, she shivers. _Let's see how a little dirty talk goes over,_ "I'm gonna touch you and kiss you and lick you and make you cum hard…all before I fuck you." As he told her what he planned to do to her body, his fingers kept moving, rolling over and over her nipple, and with his words, the stiff peak got harder and she let out a moan from the back of her throat.

He leaned further over her and ran his tongue across her nipple. At that, her hips bucked up against him and he latched his mouth over the puckered skin, sucking and biting lightly. He moved to her other breast, laving and sucking as her body arched and her breath hitched again and again. While his mouth was fastened to her breasts, his hand was slowly moving back down her body. When he reached the top of her lace panties, he paused again. Lifting his head, he waited for her signal. She arched her hips again and whimpered his name, "Noooaaahh." _Sexiest fucking sound I've ever heard._

His hand dipped lower inside the lace and he realized two things; she was bare and she was fucking soaked. "Bare, Rach? Sooooo sexy," he growled into her ear. "H-h-hhave t-t-to-d-dance-", she tried to explain but she was having trouble with coherent thoughts, let alone sentences. "You're soaked already Baby, you're dripping. I've barely fucking touched you and you're-"he stopped talking when he felt her try to close her legs and roll away. He saw the red flush creep over her skin. "Oh no, Rach, don't be embarrassed. I love it. I love you and knowing I can do that to you just makes me want you more." She turned back toward him and he caught her lips in a kiss that was hard and demanding.

She'd been caught up in every sensation but when he'd pointed out how aroused she was she'd begun to feel self-conscious until she heard his words. This was so much more than anything she'd ever felt. She'd touched herself before and she knew what an orgasm felt like, but _this? _This was nothing like she'd ever imagined it might be and nothing like it had been with Jesse or Finn. As his hands moved to pull her panties down, she stopped thinking about anything else except for him and how he was making her feel.

She lifted her hips to help him take off her last stitch of clothing and she was naked in her bed with him. He was still wearing his boxers and in the dim light, she could see the tenting that his erection was making. She pushed up on the bed to help return the favor and get him naked and her eyes widened at the size of him. She'd felt his erections before, pressing through her clothes when they'd made out and she knew what penises looked like but she'd never seen a naked man in person, let alone an aroused one. "That won't fit in me." He laughed softly and she realized she'd spoken out loud. "Yeah Baby, it will, I promise. But thanks for the ego boost." His reply broke the tension and both of them giggled a little.

_Fuck, I'm giggling. About the size of my dick. Only with this girl. Only her. Only her-ever._

He leaned back over, brushing her lips with his and watched her face as his fingers ghosted back down her body to her slit. He dipped his finger in and ran in up and down, not touching her clit or entering her body yet. Her eyes closed as he circled around, rubbing lightly and then his fingers found her already swollen clit. He rubbed back and forth, moving away, moving back, touching the bundle of nerves then moving off and rubbing around it. Her hips started lifting and she was moving her body to try and reach his fingers. He let her set the pace and when she started digging her heels into the mattress and arching her back, he slooowly pushed one finger inside her, keeping his thumb rubbing around her clit.

"Relax Baby, that's it. Shhh, so tight. God, you feel amazing." She concentrated on his voice and on the feeling that was gradually building in the center of her body. "More, pleeeease Noah, more," her voice panted out, wanting something but not knowing exactly what. "More Baby? That's right-more-love you Rach, so much, love you Baby," he kept repeating trying to keep from blowing his own load. He eased a second finger into her, feeling her inner walls clamp around him and he knew she was on the verge. He increased the pressure of his thumb on her clit and moved his fingers back and forth inside her. His fingers felt the difference when her body tightened around them and he whispered in her ear, "let go Baby, I've got you. Just let go." Her body shook and her legs tightened and she let out a long, low keening sound as her orgasm rocked her body and she came all over his fingers.

He'd figured that with as much noise as Rachel liked to make out of bed, in bed she'd be a screamer but it didn't appear so.

_Another thing nobody but me ever gets to know about you. _

Her eyes opened gradually and she saw him above her, smiling down. Not his usual Puck smirk, but an honest Noah smile. "God Noah, that was amazing. I mean, I've done that before, myself, but it didn't feel like that, I didn't know it could feel like that." He groaned into her mouth, "Baby, I can't think about you touching yourself right now or this night'll end right here." She giggled again and then sucked in her breath as she realized that his kisses were moving downward.

He stopped at her belly button, pressing gentle kisses on her stomach. "Not done kissing you yet. Remember what I told you before?"and before she had time to tense up or get nervous about what he was intending, his tongue had replaced his fingers in her slit and he was moving through her folds with his mouth. "Nn-Nnnn-Noah, what-what-" He lifted his head, "Relax Baby. Don't think. Just feel." His tongue repeated the motions he'd made earlier with his fingers, circling her clit, backing off, and dipping inside of her. She tasted sooo sweet and between her taste and the little breathy moans she was making, he felt like he could do this for hours. He wanted her good and sated before he entered her. He knew it was going to hurt her and he wanted her to have all the good before she had to experience any of the bad.

She knew about oral sex of course, but knowing and _knowing_ are two entirely different animals. She had no idea that a tongue could feel so good. Her clit was still sensitive from her last orgasm but the feeling of his tongue didn't irritate it. It soothed at the same time that it built up a whole new set of sensations. _ Oh my God, is he? Yes. Oh my God, his tongue is inside me. _ Once again, she lost coherent thought and just followed her body over the cliff where he led her.

_Fucking responsive as hell! _When her hips started bucking again and the mewling sounds coming from her throat were one long, continuous moan, he moved his mouth back to her clit and sucked hard, grazing it lightly with his teeth. This orgasm hit her hard. He felt her body bow up again and there was a gush of wetness on his mouth as she ground her hips closer to his face and he laved her clit like he had her breasts before. Her hands were gripping his as he'd reached up to grab them and he thanked God that she was tiny 'cause it felt like she could break his fucking fingers with that grip.

When she finally came down, he moved up to lie next to her again. She rolled over and kissed him hard, tasting herself on him. She'd never thought that she would do something like that but with him, it felt natural. He seemed to love everything about her and her body so kissing him with her juices still on him didn't feel anything but right.

"Love you, Baby."

"Love you more, Noah."

They lay together for a moment, her wondering what would come next, him try to get his own body under control. The primal urge to just shove her legs apart and bury himself in her was clawing at him and no fucking way was he going to do that so he just needed a second to get himself under control. He damn near came off the bed when he realized that she'd scooted down and he felt her warm breath and then her mouth on the head of his cock. He groaned and then groaned again when he felt her tongue swirling around his tip, licking and tasting. "Oh, no Baby. Not that tonight" as he pulled her off of him.

"I don't mind, Noah. I really-"

"I know Rach and trust me, we will explore that particular talent of that gorgeous mouth of yours. Just not tonight. I won't last 30 seconds if you do that now." A new feeling crept over Rachel. _So this is what feminine power feels like. I can make Noah Puckerman weak in the knees. I think I like this._

He saw the little smirk on her face and smiled because he knew it well, it being a mirror of his own. He'd known she would like sex-she's a dancer, a physical person and very attuned to her own body. _ Wait till I show you what else that tight little body of yours can do, Baby. _

He rolled over and covered her body with his again; kissing her like he had at the start, deep and probing, exploring her mouth. She got right back in the groove with him, wrapping her arms around him and pressing her body against his. He levered her legs apart with his own and soon he was pressing against her center, rubbing the tip of his cock up and down against her slit, gathering her moisture on him and getting ready to enter her body.

He stilled and looked down at her. "We can stop this now if you want. There's no pressure." He'd never imagined that he could be naked, hard and 3 seconds away from entering a woman and offer to stop without being pissed. And mean it. If she didn't want to do this, he could take care of his business in the bathroom. He wanted her more than he'd ever wanted anyone but this was her call.

"Noah, I want this. I want you. I love you, Noah."

"Love you more, Baby."

He kissed her lightly and nibbled at the spot on her neck that he knew drove her crazy. She looked up at him with all the trust in the world in her eyes and nodded. There was nothing else to say. There was no other way to do this and he'd gotten her as ready as possible. He rubbed his cock up and down a few more times, bumping against her clit and kissing her until she was breathing heavily again. He pushed the tip of his cock in and it felt like a vise. He eased in a little farther and stopped. He'd never been in anyone this tight in his life.

She whimpered and he saw her biting her lip. He leaned down again to kiss the corners of her mouth and she tried to smile at him but it came out as more of a grimace. Her breathing was coming faster but not in the good way, in the "trying to breathe through the pain" way. He made his body go stock-still and he kissed up and down the side of her face, whispering, "Sssh Baby. I promise it'll get better, I promise Baby." Her body was starting to shake and her face was white. Her eyes were screwed shut and there were tears starting to leak out of the corners. "Baby, look at me. Open your eyes and look at me."

She heard his voice and tried to focus on that. She'd known it would be uncomfortable and from the size of him, she'd had a pretty good idea it would hurt but she hadn't been expecting this._ This hurts! How do people do this? _She opened her eyes and looked into his.

"Baby, this is going to hurt for just a little bit more. Then, I swear, it won't be as bad." He canted his hips back and heard her wince. He knew that prolonging it would only make it worse for her, so he pushed himself all the way inside of her. He felt her barrier give way, and heard her cry out and he would have died rather than move at that moment. He would stay absolutely still until her body got used to him. Her eyes were scrunched shut and the tears rolling down her face made him feel like shit. He knew he'd hurt her but he knew that easing in would have made it ten times worse for her; she'd have felt like he was tearing her apart slowly.

"Baby, it's okay, ssshh, it's okay. The worst is over now. I promise, I swear. Baby, I promise," he crooned soft words in her ear, hoping she'd react to the tone as well as to his words. He'd stay like this all night if it made it better for her. Slowly, her breathing leveled out and she opened her eyes again. There were still tears shining but she seemed to be calming down. "I love you Baby. Soooo much. I'm so sorry, I wish there was a way to do this without causing you pain. Love you. Love you."

After what seemed like forever she whispered, "It-it's getting better. You can move but p-p-please go slow." Slow. He could do slow. He could do anything she wanted if it would help make it better for her. He pulled out just a bit and then moved forward. He did it again. Slow, small strokes out and back in. As much as wanted to bury himself in her, there was no way he was going to do anything to make it worse for her. He felt the change when her body started to adjust to his. It was small at first, but when he pushed in, her hips were slowly moving to meet his thrusts. Her eyes were still closed, but they weren't screwed tight and there was normal color returning to her face. He drew back a little farther and pushed in a little deeper. Her mouth opened and, "oohhhh Noah" came spilling over her lips.

"That's it Baby. I promised it would get better. Just feel it Rach. Just feel me. I've got you." He drove in deeper that time and there was nothing of pain in the sound she made. He still wasn't going to fuck her through the floor but he let his body move faster. Her arms came around his back and he felt her soft hands moving up and down his skin. He knew she was with him when he felt her left leg brush against his as she wrapped it around him.

The pain was gone. It had been so sharp, she'd wondered if this would be the first and last time she'd ever let him do this. Once he was inside her, and God, she could feel every inch of him, it took all her will not to push him off her and out of her body. Little by little though, the pain receded. He was right. It did get better. Now, she could still feel him but it was a feeling of fullness and pressure, not pain. Before too long, her body was rising to meet his and it felt like something was clawing inside her, just out of reach. She knew what it was, but she didn't know if she could reach it like this. She lifted her leg around his and that changed the angle. It was _rightthere_ but not quite enough.

"N-Noah, I need, I, I I want-Noah, Noah" She wasn't stringing sentences together and it made him even harder that all she could get out was his name. He knew what she wanted and he wanted her to get there first. He reached between them and angled his body so that he was rubbing her clit as he thrust in and out. "Let go Baby, I've got you…let go Rach. Just let go Baby," his voice in her ear had the same effect it had all night, and she arched her body up to meet his one last time as that clawing feeling broke over her and her body trembled and she moaned out his name again. He felt her let go around him, felt the vise-like grip get tighter and he pushed his hips forward in one final thrust, emptying himself into her.

Their breathing slowed and quieted and he pulled out of her, smiling at the little whimper of disappointment she made when he left her body and pulled her close to him, kissing her face, her hair and running his hands up and down her back. He just wanted to keep touching her. She spoke first, "Noah, that was-" her voice trailed off because she knew what it was to her but she wondered if, with all the women he'd had over the years, it was okay for him. He probably didn't have to walk all those women through it step by step and they probably didn't cry. She wanted to tell him she'd get better at it but she didn't know quite what to say but she knew herself well enough to know that she wouldn't rest well until she asked him what she wanted to know. "Was that really okay for you? I know I cried and a crying woman can't have been all that wonderful for you and I-"

He kissed her hard and stopped her in mid-speech. He'd wondered how long it would take talkative, worrying Rachel to show back up. He wasn't surprised that she was worried about being good at sex. She worried about being good at everything. "Baby, that was amazing. You're amazing. The crying? Baby, I wish there was a way to do that without it hurting you. I hate that I made you cry, not that you did. I love that you trusted me enough to do that with me and I love you and I plan on doing that with you plenty more times. So stop your worrying and come cuddle with me. You know I can't sleep without my cuddles, Pookie," he teased her, laughing.

Pookie? His cuddles? That made her laugh. When Noah teased her like this, it was impossible for her not to laugh along. There was no malice in this teasing, none of the sharp edges that had characterized their relationship for so long. Just love. Her love trying to make her smile. And it worked. She knew that he'd told her the truth. Noah Puckerman likes sex and bad sex was not going to leave him smiling and happy, no matter how much he loved her. She knew that if she'd really been awful, he might not have said it that bluntly, but he wouldn't have been praising her so effusively.

She kissed him back and climbed out of bed to go use the bathroom while he went to use the one in the hall. She heard him go downstairs and wondered if he was going back to the piano. When he came back up, he was carrying a washrag that he'd run under cold water and rung out, a bottle of water and two Aleve. "C'mere Baby." She blushed and told him she'd cleaned off already. "It's not for that. Put it between your legs. The cold will help the swelling and the Aleve is for the soreness." She blushed again but she knew from dancing that he was right and she loved him all the more for thinking about it. She hadn't even been considering how her body might feel in the morning. She took the water bottle, swallowed the Aleve, and climbed into bed. Noah climbed in next to her and they rolled into spooning positions with him cradling her small body against his large one. She relaxed back into him and his arms tightened around her. "Love you, Noah." She started to say more but he hushed her and pressed his lips to her hair. "Love you more, Baby. Go to sleep, we'll have all the time in the world to talk."

_**He snapped awake, confused for a minute about what had dragged him from his dreams. He'd been dreaming about her, about that dance and their first time together as it finally penetrated his sleep and alcohol fogged brain that someone was knocking on his door. "The fuck?" he mumbled as he walked downstairs in nothing but sweatpants and threw open the front door. He just looked at Quinn standing in front of him, her hand up to knock again and saw Artie sitting in his chair at the foot of his porch stairs. "We need to talk to you. Would you help Artie please?" He shook his head to clear it and said,"I don't want any fucking company. Call first next time" as he started to shut the door in their faces. "DUDE" yelled Artie before Quinn could say anything. He drew a large envelope out of his jacket and held it up for Puck to see. "This isn't a social call. You need to talk to us. It's Rachel. I found her."**_


	11. Chapter 11

**January 2012**

Frank watched the woman, _the_ _girl_ sitting on the bench again. She was here every day, rain, snow or shine; she had been for the last two months, at least. You get to know the faces when you see them all the time and you look out for the things that seem _off._ That one-definitely off. She couldn't be more than 20, if that. She doesn't seem to have a job or be in school. She doesn't do anything wrong, she doesn't really do _anything_. Just comes every day and wanders around for hours but she always ends up here, staring into the tanks, looking like her heart is breaking. He never saw a wedding ring and nobody ever comes with her. He's spoken to her a few times, the first couple of weeks, trying to get a feel for her-if she was going to cause trouble or go crazy or something. He's got 4 kids of his own and 3 grandkids and his heart hurts a little every day watching her look so sad but he never says much to her. He did ask her once if she was okay. She'd just sat there for so long not moving, not even seeming to notice all the people around her. She smiled at him but it wasn't a smile that came anywhere near her eyes and told him she was fine and thanked him for inquiring. She said that, "thank you for inquiring." He'd never seen anyone look so lost. But it was his job to patrol, not analyze the visitors so he just kept an eye on her and watched to make sure that no one ever bothered her. No one did. No one came near her at all. Ever.

* * *

** January 2012**

In her saner moments, Rachel knew that her actions were stupid at best; catastrophically devastating at worst, but she couldn't ruin his future. She wouldn't. She'd seen how hard he'd struggled to overcome everything and there had been so much for him to overcome; his father, Quinn, Beth, the Lima Loser tag that had plagued him well into their junior year. He'd fought so hard and she wasn't going to let her stupidity ruin his life.

She knew she'd see him again but she knew that it would never be the same. He would never forgive her, she knew that much, but she loved him enough to accept that. This wasn't like the last time. This wasn't his mistake; it wasn't even theirs. It was hers and hers alone.

**August 2011**

She'd been so sick, she didn't think she'd ever felt like that before in her life. She'd been throwing up for a week and had lost 7 pounds. When you barely weigh one hundred pounds, 7 pounds isn't to be taken lightly. It got so bad so quickly that Noah was petrified and her fathers had dragged her to the emergency room on a Saturday night even though she'd just seen Dr. Gabriel two days before. The ER doctors told them it was going around, gave her a phenergan shot and a prescription for anti-nausea meds and sent them home with instructions to make sure she stayed hydrated and got plenty of rest. She did, sleeping for almost three solid days, waking only long enough to drink something, use the bathroom and stagger back to bed. By the end of the week she finally felt like she might live and by Sunday night she felt well enough to make it downstairs to the couch to watch movies with Noah.

Noah and her dads had almost as bad a week as she had. They all paced the floors and when Noah announced that he was staying at their house, and he'd sleep on the fucking couch, her dads didn't even blink an eye. Not that they would have anyway. They loved him-they'd actually always loved him, having known him since he was a baby. They knew his mother and how much she worried about him and Daddy had kept his ear to the legal ground over the years, pulling a string here or putting a quiet word in someone's ear there so that he didn't get in too much trouble while he was doing his best to screw up his life. They'd always hoped he'd pull himself together and when they saw the young man they'd loved emerging from the quasi-delinquent he'd started to become, they were almost as proud as if he'd been their own son. They had hopes _(between themselves and Noah's mother for now, don't want to pressure the kids and they're both still so young but maybe, in the future, who knows?…)_ that someday he might actually be their son.

They'd been together for almost a year now, since last year's Winter Formal. It hadn't been an easy time, neither of them being easy people. She rode him about his attendance, his grades and his study habits. He told her to chill the fuck out, she told him if ever wanted to see under her clothes again he would get his butt to class and keep it there. Liking what was under her clothes, he pitched a bitch but started showing up for his classes. He'd always been smart (she'd known that, she remembered that he was her main competition for head of the class before his dad left and he decided that being Puck the asshole was easier and less painful than being Noah) and he'd managed to still get Cs and the occasional B without any effort. When he put his butt in the seats, his grades _(to the astonishment of everyone in school except Rachel)_ went back up to As and by the end of junior year, he was in the top 20 of their class.

Classes didn't start for another two weeks so at least she had time to recuperate without worrying about missing any of the start of their senior year. Dad and Daddy were going out to dinner. They'd spent the whole week trading off "Babysit Rachel" shifts between their work schedules and Noah's summer football conditioning schedule with the occasional "go take a fucking shower, Puckerman" shift taken over by Santana. Between them, they'd arranged that she wasn't alone for a minute and she knew that everyone was as worn out as she was. A night out would be good for her parents and she and Noah could finally have some alone time without her head in a bucket.

That night had started out with no intentions of anything but watching a movie. She'd been reclining back between Noah's legs, leaning on his chest, and half dozing through 300. It wasn't her choice of movie and she knew he'd gladly _(maybe not gladly but without too much complaining)_ have agreed to watch Funny Girl or Rent or another musical if she'd asked but she knows this is his favorite movie and he's been so worried about her and spent so much time this week focused on her that she told him absolutely not, they could watch whatever he wanted.

She had no idea what part of the movie it was, she'd just been enjoying the feeling of not being violently ill and having his arms around her again. He was massaging her shoulders and running his fingers through her hair and she scooted a little closer to him. That's when she realized that not _all_ of his attention was on the movie and she turned in his arms and moved her body down to lay her head on his thigh.

She knew she had his attention when she slipped her hand up under his shorts and started a massage of her own. She heard him groan and thought briefly about how much this part of their relationship had expanded since the night she lost her virginity. He hadn't lied-he'd taught her everything she'd wanted to learn and she'd managed to teach him a few things as well; one of those things being the joys of a girlfriend with no gag reflex.

"Baby, you need to stop doing ah-tha-ah."

"Noooah" she pouted out his name on a little whine that had his erection getting harder, "let me do this-pleeeassse. Missed you soooo much."

She didn't give him any time to argue with her as she slipped her hand out from under his shorts and started tugging on the waistband.

"Baby, no. You just started feeling better. This isn't a good idea."

"You make me feel better. Pllllleeeeasssssssssse?"

She knew she'd won that part of the battle when he paused the movie, lifted his hips and let her slide his shorts and his boxers down in one move. She leaned over his leg and licked the head of his cock, purring in the back of her throat. _Who would ever have thought that this would become one of her favorite activities?_

She wasn't in the mood for teasing much so after a few licks and swirling her tongue down the underside of him, she took him all the way into her mouth with one fluid motion. _God, he feels so good._ She sucked, gently at first and then harder, moving her head up and down the length of him and then all the way down to the root, where her face was almost buried in him. She drew back up, and her mouth left his cock for a moment when she put out her tongue to run it over his balls, moving back quickly to take him in her mouth all the way to the back of her throat and swallowed.

_Oh Fuck, Oh Fuck, Oh Fuck, that goddamn mouth of hers-been too long, Oh Fuck_

She felt him grab her hair and felt the wetness pool between her own legs. His hand was fisted in her hair, moving her up and down on him and he was pushing his hips up, fucking her mouth. She moaned again and made a humming noise in the back of her throat and swallowed again.

_Fuck!_

She felt him tugging harder on her hair and before she realized it, he'd pulled her off of him and their positions were reversed on the couch. She was lying underneath him, her head in the pillows and he was behind and on top of her and her yoga pants and thong were around her knees. He yanked her up on her hands and knees and then….._ahhh, ahhhhh, _he had two fingers inside her.

"Wet already, Baby? I knew it. I'm gonna fuck you so hard."

That was the last spoken communication between them for a while. Neither wanted soft, romantic lovemaking. It'd been too long since they'd been together and both of them just wanted fucked. NOW.

He removed his fingers and before she had time to protest the loss, he slammed into her. His fingers gripped her hips, helping him get leverage to piston himself in and out of her. She thrust her ass back toward him and arched her back to draw him in deeper. The sounds of flesh slapping against flesh and moans filled the air, her higher pitched voice urging him on and his lower register grunting as he slammed into her.

It was hard, fast and over quickly as both of them exploded in almost no time. The sounds had changed to ragged breathing trying to level out. He stayed inside her and brushed the hair from the back of her neck as he laid a trail of kisses up and down her back.

"Love you, Baby."

"Love you more, Noah"

Both of them collapsed on the couch, pulling up their clothes.

"Feeling better, are you?" he smirked at her with that expression she either love or hated, depending on her mood (_loved right now, definitely loved) _and they resumed their previous positions with her between his legs, snuggled back on his chest, his fingers running through her hair.

"Much better, thank you," as she drifted back to sleep, where she would stay for the next two hours, waking only briefly when he carried her upstairs to put her in her bed. She felt his lips on her forehead and struggled out of her sleepy haze to say something but his voice washed over her, "just sleep, Baby. I'll be right downstairs."

**January 2012**

"_I'll be right downstairs. I'll be right downstairs. I'll be right downstairs."_

She closed her eyes, hearing his voice almost as close as if he were right there. She knew he'd never be right there again. She'd never hear that voice in her ear or feel his arms around her like that again. That was her doing, her choice, but every time she thought about it, it broke her a little more inside.

_I love you more, Noah. That's why I'm doing this. I love you more._

**September 2011**

Her hands shook as she sat on the toilet, clocking the minutes on her phone. Three minutes. The box said three minutes. It's been three minutes. For a second, she thought about the performance Kurt and Mercedes had given at the assembly, Four Minutes. We only have four minutes. Well, I only have three. Three minutes and everything changes. She realized she was on the verge of hysteria so she forced herself to take deep breaths.

She was only doing this for…for what? Confirmation, she supposed. She already knew the answer. Her body was as regular as clockwork; you could set your watch to her cycle. She knew the first few days that she was late. She knew in her bones and she knew exactly when. That night after she'd been so sick. She hadn't taken her birth control pills for a week. It hadn't even been on her mind. She doesn't know why. Yes, she does. She'd been puking her guts up. Who was thinking about pills at that point? But she'd gotten so used to not thinking about condoms or birth control with Noah and she'd been half out of it with desire and exhaustion that it just never even crossed her mind that she'd been without birth control for over a week. If it never crossed her mind, she knows it never even entered his. Why would it?

Three minutes.

Positive.

All the air seemed to go out of the room at once.

Her only thought was the phone call Daddy had made yesterday; the one that could change everything.

**October 2011**

She'd spent the last few weeks walking around in a fog, waiting on the results of that phone call before she could determine her next move. Noah had known something was on her mind but she'd passed it off as exhaustion from dance classes, Glee rehearsals and the novelty of having an active social life for her senior year in high school. She knew that sooner or later, likely sooner, he'd start noticing the changes in her body as well as her demeanor.

So far she'd been lucky, if you could call it that. She'd gone to the Planned Parenthood in Cincinnati one afternoon when they had off school for a teacher in-service day. Her parents were at work, Noah had practice and she knew she could get there and back without being missed. They confirmed what the home test had told her and the doctor started her on prenatal vitamins. So far, she hadn't had morning sickness, just a little queasiness. She wasn't anywhere close to showing so other than her skirts feeling a little snug, she hadn't needed camouflage.

Her eighteenth birthday passed with a dinner in Chicago with her parents and Noah. Her breasts were starting to get a little bigger and she knew that was what Noah would notice first but so far, it wasn't anything obvious. She hadn't noticed anyone looking at her oddly or paying extra attention so she knew her secret wasn't out.

Daddy had gone to Harvard and had alumni contacts all over the country. While Noah's grades had drastically improved and he'd done excellently on his SATs, his entire high school transcripts didn't make him Harvard material. It wasn't Harvard, but Daddy had reached out through his networks of contacts, made that phone call and gotten the admissions department at the University of New Hampshire to look at Noah.

The answer came two days after her eighteenth birthday dinner. It wouldn't be official until February but Daddy's old roommate let them know. Noah had gotten in-early acceptance. He was getting out of Lima and she knew then that she would do anything to keep from ruining that for him.

She wasn't going to keep him trapped in Lima in a dead-end job with no education and a baby to raise. She knew him. She knew he would turn down New Hampshire without a second thought. He loved her and he would love this baby. That was never a question. The question was at what cost to himself? She wasn't Quinn. She didn't think he would be a horrible father. Exactly the opposite-she thought that he would be wonderful. She had no intention of giving their child away or trying to keep Noah out of his or her life, not permanently.

She knew in her saner moments that her plan was crazy. Noah loves her and she loves him and together they would love their child. Her saner moments however, get overridden by hormones, fear and by the desolation she feels watching the absolute and utter joy on his face when he realized that he had his ticket out of here.

This was her doing. He didn't try to coax her or say, "trust me." She'd seduced him. She'd started this mess. She'd given him no reason not to trust her about her birth control. She wasn't going to ruin the rest of his life. When she tried to imagine alternate scenarios, she couldn't see them. She just couldn't. If she'd been thinking logically, she would have known that he could turn down New Hampshire and they could both attend Ohio State. Her parents wouldn't kick her out, they would help support them, and they could get married and raise their child.

She wasn't thinking clearly though and she just couldn't see it. Every time she tried, she pictured him refusing to allow her dads to support his child, him quitting school and working a dead-end job, his dreams ruined and eventually him hating her. Not the baby. Never the baby. Noah wasn't his father and after losing Beth, he would never regret another child. Her. This was her fault. She knew it and she knew in her bones that he would know it to. He was going to hate her either way, so why not let him hate her with an opportunity for a life ahead of him?

She would come back-in a year or two, four at most. When he'd gotten out and gotten on with his life and had his education and future ahead of him. The baby wouldn't be that old and there would be plenty of time for Noah to be a part of his or her life. He'd hate her for the years he missed, that was a given. But if she could give him those years, wouldn't it be worth it?

She took it as a further sign that she was making the right choice when all of this happened after her eighteenth birthday. She could access the money her grandmother had left her, she could open a bank account, sign a lease, rent an apartment, buy a plane ticket and a car without needing her parents' permission. She thought it was funny, in sad sort of way, how in this day and age with credit cards and cell phones and electronic trails and all the stuff you see on CSI and Without a Trace how easy it actually was to just walk out of your life and not be found.

She'd thought about where to go-New York (too expensive, the trust money had to last a while), Los Angeles (she's not really a California type of girl), maybe Boston (too close in her mind to New Hampshire) and had decided on here. A big enough city that was small enough for her not to feel lost _(except for the fact that she's spent every second away from him feeling lost)_. Good medical care for her and the baby and housing options. It's harder in the nicer areas when you want to pay in cash but she's a nice girl, well spoken and well-dressed and she finds a decent apartment in a nice neighborhood that's willing to overlook her lack of credit history when she offers to pay the first year's rent in full. Having to pay all her expenses in cash will run through the trust money quicker but she figures she has at least two years to worry about that. Her fathers have invested it wisely and she thanks them every night in her prayers.

She left letters-one for her fathers and one for Noah. She said to her fathers what she supposes all "I'm leaving and don't try to find me" letters have said since the beginning of time. She tried to say more to Noah, without saying what she couldn't bring herself to tell. She knew it was the last love letter she'd ever get to write him so she tried to give him her heart on paper. It was always his anyway.

She called her parents once a month, when she knows they're at work. She *69s the call so they aren't able to tell where she is and leaves the same 7 word message each time, "It's me. I'm okay. I love you." She doesn't call Noah. She can't hear his voice. She knows her dads will tell him.

She whispers to Noah every night before she falls asleep. She rubs her bump and feels their child and tells Noah, "We love you." Every night she tells Bump, "Mommy and Daddy love you" and most nights she cries herself to sleep.

**January 2012**

She didn't realize how much time had passed until she felt a hand on her shoulder. It was that nice security guard who asked her how she was one day. "Honey, it's just about closing time. You okay?" She lumbered to her feet, looked around and realized that they were the only people left in this wing.

"Yes, I'm fine, thank you. I'm just leaving," she smiled at him again with the smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "I'll see you tomorrow, I guess, right Honey?"

_I'm that predictable? I guess I am. I come here every day. Where else is there for me to go?_

She walked out, drawing her coat around her as she tried to figure out how she would get through another night with him.

**January 2012-Lima, Ohio**

_**"DUDE" yelled Artie before Quinn could say anything. He drew a large envelope out of his jacket and held it up for Puck to see. "This isn't a social call. You need to talk to us. It's Rachel. I found her."**_

Quinn saw the color drain from his face and reached out to grab him. "**Puck**…go help him up the stairs. We'll go inside. Trust me, you don't want to have this conversation on your front porch."

He wanted to grab whatever the fuck was in Artie's hand, tear it open and find out what the fuck had happened to her but he knew Quinn was right. It was fucking January, he couldn't just leave Wheels out here in the cold and no, he really didn't want to have this conversation on the porch.

He felt like he was trying to move under water. He jumped off the porch and stood next to Wheels. Unable to keep the hope out of his voice, he looked down, "really? Is she okay?"

"Really, man. I wouldn't lie to you.-not about this."

He took note of the fact that Artie hadn't answered his other question-was she okay? He forced himself to breathe. She had to be okay-they wouldn't just show up here like this, with no warning, if she wasn't. Right?

He picked Artie up out of the chair and carried him in the house, "where?" "Couch is good." As he turned to go back outside to bring in the wheelchair, he saw the look that passed between Quinn and Artie and he lost what small amount of patience he'd been holding onto, slammed the front door shut and whirled around to face the two of them on the couch.

"I'll get the fucking chair in a minute. Tell me-NOW."

They'd talked in the car on the way here how they wanted to handle this but having Puck in front of them, ready to jump out of his own skin, sent all their planning out the window. They were going to have to wing this.

Quinn spoke up, "We know where she was as of a week ago and as far as we can tell, she is physically all right."

He paced back and forth, "A week? Where? How? Who knows?"

Artie realized that he'd better talk fast or this was going to get stupid ugly. "The two of us know. Now, the three of us know. No one else. I found out a little while ago, got Quinn and we came right here. I found out by accident. My mom and I stopped at a neighbor's house and I was using their computer. She had a website up, some stupid celebrity crap site and there was a picture posted. Rachel is in the picture, in the background. You can tell she didn't even know the picture was being taken. The caption underneath said when it was taken-last Saturday."

"Where?"

"Baltimore. The opening of a new exhibit at the Baltimore Aquarium. Apparently Jada Pinkett Smith is from Baltimore and was in town when the exhibit opened and the paparazzi were there."

_Baltimore. She's in Baltimore. She's alive, she's safe and she's in Baltimore. Why the fuck Baltimore? Why any of this? I gotta tell her Dads. We've gotta get to Baltimore._

While his mind was running a mile a minute, another part of his brain realized that they still hadn't opened that envelope. There was more.

He held out his hand, "is that the picture?"

"Sit down Puck, please." Quinn spoke up for the first time since Artie started talking.

There are moments in everyone's life that divide time. Before and after. Puck knew that whatever was in that picture that they'd kept from him so far would divide time for him. Before the picture. After the picture.

He said nothing else. He just sat down next to her and held out his hand. Artie handed over the envelope with no more words. What was there left to say?

He knows.

Somehow he knew before he even opened the envelope. It all clicks. Quinn is here. Quinn. Artie could have come alone but he brought Quinn. Quinn is here and Rachel ran away. Quinn. The missing piece that no one could figure out. Why would she leave? There'd been no fight with him, no problem with her parents, no issues at school. He knew there wasn't another man. Rachel wasn't the go online and find another guy type. She wasn't the run away from home, empty your bank account and disappear in the middle of the night type either. Yet she had. Why? No one could answer that one question.

Now he can answer it. And all the other questions around it. He knows her. He knows she loves him.

Her goodbye letter.

"She's pregnant." He looked at Quinn when he spoke but it wasn't a question, it was a statement. She nodded her head slowly, waiting for the explosion, the anger, the "another fucking woman who thinks I'm a Lima loser and wants to take my kid away from me" rant that she **knew **was coming.

There's no explosion. He stood up and walked upstairs without a word.

This was not the reaction either of them were expecting. This isn't Puck. Yelling, screaming, cursing, punching walls-those are Puck.

Neither one of them had the slightest inkling of an idea what to do next. They just stared at each other in dumbfounded silence as Puck left the room and both breathed sighs of relief when he quickly returned to stand in front of them, holding something in his hands that he passed to Quinn.

He didn't give any explanation, just watched her open it and read. She understood now how he knew.

"Puck?"

She had to make sure. This was all so far out of the realm of how she'd expected him to react that she had to hear him say it out loud to make certain she wasn't making it up in her own head.

When he spoke his voice held no trace of anger at all, just more sadness than either of them could bear to hear. "She did this for me, didn't she? She did it to protect some fucked up idea that having a baby would screw up my future. Didn't she Q? You read that letter. That's what happened here, isn't it? She's pregnant, alone and probably scared as fucking hell because she thinks she's helping me." Quinn nodded her head slowly.

Artie watched them both with no idea at all what the hell was happening. Why wasn't Puck yelling? What did that letter have to do with it?

They both watched as Puck sat, almost collapsing, in the chair next to the couch and ripped open the envelope they'd brought. He stared at the picture and made no move to wipe away the tears that poured down his face.

The doorbell rang, startling all of them but Puck made no move to get out of the chair so Quinn walked to answer it. Mike stood there, not sure how to react to Quinn being there and taking in the scene in front of him. Quinn just shook her head and stepped out on the porch with him. "Help Artie down to the car, please Mike. Please-don't say anything, don't ask any questions, just follow us back to Mercedes' house. I promise, I'll explain everything."

Mike knew it had to have something to do with Rachel and he had to ask, "is she alive?' At Quinn's nod, he decided the rest could wait and moved to do what she'd asked. Puck never lifted his head or gave any acknowledgment that he knew he was there.

After Mike had gotten Artie and his chair back to the car Quinn walked over to where Puck sat. Bending down to him, she put her arms around him and said, "We'll find her. We'll find both of them." He nodded but said nothing. She closed the door quietly behind her.

They drove in silence back to Mercedes' house with Mike following. After about 5 minutes, they saw Mike turn in the other direction and both supposed he was going to get Tina. Probably a good idea, it would be easiest to only have to explain all this one time when they were all together.

It wasn't until they were a few blocks away that Artie finally spoke, "What the hell **was** that, Quinn?"

"It was her goodbye letter to him. He'd told me about it but I'd never actually seen it before."

"What was in it? Because I have to tell you, that was NOT the reaction I was expecting. How did he know, what did that letter say?"

"It was more what it didn't say. It didn't say that she hated him or didn't love him anymore or anything you'd expect to see when someone takes off like she did. It was all about him and his dreams and his education and his potential and how wonderful-" Her voice broke and she forced herself not to cry while driving. They were almost there. "It was all about him."

"I'm still not getting how he knew so quickly and why he isn't mad. I expected furious and screaming and frankly, Puck."

They pulled into the driveway and she parked the car and turned to face him, "So did I until I read that letter. What I told you earlier was right; I just didn't have the whole story. Rachel _isn't_ the type to just pick up and leave for no reason. I was right about that. When I saw that picture, the only explanation I could think of was that she was doing what I'd done-not wanting to have a baby with Puck." Artie nodded, those had been his thoughts too.

"We were wrong. Puck knew it immediately because he had the letter."

"I'm sorry Love, but I'm still not following you."

Quinn tried not to sound exasperated. She understood why he didn't get it right away. Not everyone in the universe had first hand teenage pregnancy drama experience.

"That letter was all about him. Not her. Him and what she hoped he got out of his life. He's leaving Lima. He's going away to college. Puck. College. You know how big a deal that is. She didn't want to mess that up for him. She didn't want him to lose that chance. I obviously don't know any of the details or circumstance around her getting pregnant, but I know Rachel. This is about not ruining Puck's future. God, she's an idiot."

"That doesn't sound like Rachel. Sorry Quinn, but this is the same person who'd cut your throat over a solo"

"Yes, but it isn't about her. I told you. It's about him and whatever else you can say about her, and God knows I've said plenty, she loves him. I didn't say it made sense. It makes no sense at all actually but to a pregnant, hormonal Rachel it probably makes perfect sense. Pregnancy hormones are a bitch and Rachel's already-she's Rachel. Crazy Berry wasn't an entirely inaccurate nickname, you know."

"I have no idea what to say right now. None. Nada. Zip. Nil." Artie shook his head.

"Come on, let's go in. We'll make sure everybody can be here. I don't relish having this conversation multiple times."

"Quinn, someone is going to have to tell her fathers. We can't just take off running to Baltimore."

"I know. I'll give Puck little while to get himself together. It should come from him. It will. He won't keep that kind of information from them."

"I'm worried about him. "

"Me, too."

There wasn't much else to say at that point and they were starting to get cold in the car. Quinn took the wheelchair out and brought it around for Artie to swing himself in.

He grabbed her hand and held tight.

**January 2012 Lima, Ohio**

He couldn't call them. This wasn't the kind of news you give people on the phone. He'd have to go over there. He walked through his house, collecting his wallet and keys, moving on autopilot, clutching the letter and the picture like a lifeline.

"I love you more, Baby. I love you both. Please don't be scared, we'll find you. I promise. We'll find you."

**January 2012 Baltimore, Maryland**

"We love you."


End file.
